Tim Bales

Trumpet w Jim Peterik - Ides of March. Freelance musician, documentary filmmaker, MFA grad student @ DePaul School of Cinematic Arts - Chicago. Friend of Bill W

[RC deWinter @RCdeWinter]

A grammar book walks into a bar

* An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television, getting drunk, and smoking cigars.

* A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly.

* A bar was walked into by the passive voice.

* An oxymoron walked into a bar, and the silence was deafening.

* Two quotation marks walk into a “bar.”

* A malapropism walks into a bar, looking for all intents and purposes like a wolf in cheap clothing, muttering epitaphs and casting dispersions on his magnificent other, who takes him for granite.

* Hyperbole totally rips into this insane bar and absolutely destroys everything.

* A question mark walks into a bar?

* A non sequitur walks into a bar.
In a strong wind, even turkeys can fly.

* Papyrus and Comic Sans walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Get out -- we don't serve your type."

* A mixed metaphor walks into a bar, seeing the handwriting on the wall but hoping to nip it in the bud.

* A comma splice walks into a bar, it has a drink and then leaves.

* Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They converse. They depart.

* A synonym strolls into a tavern.

* At the end of the day, a cliché walks into a bar -- fresh as a daisy, cute as a button, and sharp as a tack.

* A run-on sentence walks into a bar it starts flirting. With a cute little sentence fragment.

* Falling slowly, softly falling, the chiasmus collapses to the bar floor.

* A figure of speech literally walks into a bar and ends up getting figuratively hammered.

* An allusion walks into a bar, despite the fact that alcohol is its Achilles heel.

* The subjunctive would have walked into a bar, had it only known.

* A misplaced modifier walks into a bar owned by a man with a glass eye named Ralph.

* The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.

* A dyslexic walks into a bra.

* A verb walks into a bar, sees a beautiful noun, and suggests they conjugate. The noun declines.

* A simile walks into a bar, as parched as a desert.

* A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, drinking to forget.

* A hyphenated word and a non-hyphenated word walk into a bar and the bartender nearly chokes on the irony .

– Jill Thomas Doyle

[Andrew Callahan @_AndrewCallahan]

It’s 3:20 a.m. and Joe Mazzulla and his wife are holding hands, walking around the parquet. They’ve done a few laps already. Mazzulla is pointing to a few places around the arena.

Soaking it all in.

[Tim Bales @timothybales]

@NBAonTNT Hey TV audio mixer. Your crowd noise, is masking the announcers. Thanks 😎

[Tim Bales @timothybales]

@suno_ai_ April Fools?

[University of Nebraska-Lincoln @UNLincoln]

POV: you just found out you broke a WORLD RECORD

[Tim Bales @timothybales]

The Parable of the Squirrel-Planted Pumpkins https://t.co/0kIgRSavGH

[Tim Bales @timothybales]

https://t.co/cizuEKTNqZ

[Tim Bales @timothybales]

https://t.co/H41JEqIrs6

[US Open Tennis @usopen]

Novak hits 24 and pays tribute to the late Kobe Bryant 💙

[Awful Announcing @awfulannouncing]

Lloyd also had harsh criticism for USWNT coach Vlatko Andonovski.

"There's multiple things that have just been spiraling out of control and now it's being revealed on the world's biggest stage."

[Tim Bales @timothybales]

@JoeClarkChicago @region_rant @gregory_b @littlekeegan sent me ♥️🏁

[Tim Bales @timothybales]

@JoeClarkChicago @region_rant Except @timothybales and his son @gregory_b ♥️😎
I was caught watching the Daytona 500 while listening to Coltrane's Giant Steps 😃
Long time gear heads here 🏁

[Natalka @NatalkaKyiv]

Hi everyone,

I don't know how many of my followers are real people who care about Ukraine and how many are bots.

I would like to address the real people who choose to stand with Ukraine in these dark times.

Could you please try retweeting as many of my posts about the Kherson region as you feel comfortable with?

The world needs to see what is taking place there! The world needs to see the devastation Russia has inflicted on these poor people, their pets, and the wildlife in the region.

Please help spread the word! Many thanks in advance!

Thank you for your support!
Natalka
💙💛

[Renee @PettyLupone]

The White House is clearly trolling y’all for mocking Joe’s age 😂😂😂😂

[🔱 M|§F|T @Misfit4Ukr68491]

After being permanently suspended from two accounts because of my endless support of #Ukraine, I'm now back at square one. Again.

Please share, retweet & let people know that you can't keep a good
M|§F|T down.

#SlavaUkraini 💪 🇺🇦

[Greg Bales @gregory_b]

Thank you everyone for your kind & heartfelt outreach after the announcement that @dvdnetflix is coming to an end later this year. I'm saddened, but trying to reflect on the good times we had. Every DVD that arrived in my mailbox these past 17 yrs was like a gift. I'll miss it.

[Tim Bales @timothybales]

Valois Restaurant in Hyde Park Chicago Illinois
#valois #chicagofood

[Lindsey Graham @LindseyGrahamSC]

To those who believe that Russia’s unprovoked and barbaric invasion of Ukraine is not a priority for the United States – you are missing a lot.

[A Crime a Day @CrimeADay]

Happy Pi Day.