Grandad Leeds 🏆

'There was a white glow, overpowering, sublime, which ran through our island from end to end'

[Katie Hopkins @KTHopkins]

UK law:

If you are Muslim you can punch a police offer in the face, bang your first cousin and claim benefits for your fourth wife (also a family number)

If you are white, you get prison time for tweeting how pissed off you are about it.

Labour are inciting riots

[Central @WestHam_Central]

RT IF YOUR CLUB DO NOT SIT IN THE BOTTOM THREE

[Grandad Leeds 🏆 @TimPitham]

@benonwine About minus £32b

[Steven Barrett @SBarrettBar]

Labour.

The current Prime Minister is a lying shitweasel.

You could improve your future by replacing him with a pot plant.

[Grandad Leeds 🏆 @TimPitham]

@TPointUK Have they moved the M1?

[Grandad Leeds 🏆 @TimPitham]

@henrywinter Worst half of football I've ever seen

[ITV Football @itvfootball]

Leeds will never forget 😜

Some love being show for Marcelo Bielsa for his time in charge of Leeds United 🟡

@LUFC

[Lord Sugar @Lord_Sugar]

New manager for Spurs

[Emirates FA Cup @EmiratesFACup]

Vote for your @MitreSports Goal of the #EmiratesFACup Fifth Round ⚽️

Eberechi Eze, @Arsenal
Curtis Jones, @LFC
Noni Madueke, @Arsenal
Sean Longstaff, @LUFC

Follow the link to watch the goals and take your pick 🗳️

[Daniel Hannan @DanielJHannan]

A reminder, when energy prices rise, that we have 1300 trillion cubic feet of shale gas under our feet, but we refuse to tap it because Greta and something-or-other and mimblewimble.

[A View From Yorkshire @models_by_Russ]

Dear Prime Minister & Home Secretary,

I hope this letter finds you well, fully caffeinated, and in possession of a calculator.

I’m writing with what I believe is a modest, fiscally responsible proposal. I understand the Government is offering up to £40,000 to certain individuals to voluntarily leave the United Kingdom. First of all — bold strategy. Nothing says “strong borders” quite like a cashback scheme.

Now, I regret to inform you that I am, in fact, a fully tax-paying, law-abiding British citizen. I know — awkward. I appreciate this may disqualify me from the premium exit package, but I’m willing to negotiate.

I would like to formally apply for £35,000 to leave.

You see, unlike some applicants, I haven’t broken any laws to get here. I didn’t arrive by dinghy. I didn’t require processing, housing, or legal appeals. I’ve actually been funding the whole operation through PAYE for years — which I believe makes me a loyal shareholder in this enterprise.

Given that you’re prepared to offer £40,000 for someone to depart voluntarily after entering illegally, I feel £35,000 for someone who’s been here legally all along represents excellent value for money. Think of it as a “Buy British, Get One Gone” discount.

For £35,000 I will:
   •   Leave quietly.
   •   Not require a press conference.
   •   Not demand a diversity officer to wave me off.
   •   Even carry my own suitcase to the airport.

I may also tweet a polite thank-you note on departure, praising the efficiency of the scheme.

Frankly, it feels like I’ve misunderstood how incentives work in modern Britain. All these years I thought obeying the law, paying taxes, and contributing to society were the winning strategy. Turns out the real pro-move is to arrive unlawfully and wait for a loyalty bonus.

Who knew?

While British families are juggling rent, energy bills, and the weekly food shop like contestants on a dystopian game show, it’s reassuring to know the Treasury has located a spare £40,000 per head for voluntary goodbyes.

May I ask — is there a points card? Ten years of National Insurance contributions and I get a free exit bonus? If so, I believe I’m overdue.

In the spirit of fairness and fiscal responsibility, I am not even asking for the full £40,000. I’m trimming £5,000 off to help balance the books. That’s the kind of responsible budgeting I was raised on.

If successful, I promise to:
   •   Leave via a scheduled flight (economy is fine).
   •   Not stage a protest on the runway.
   •   And refrain from re-entering on a small boat to see if I qualify twice.

All I ask is equal treatment. If departure is now a funded career pathway, I would very much like to submit my CV.

Yours in hopeful relocation,
A slightly confused taxpayer

[The Jackal… @ToonDazza]

The evil Khamenei is dead - thoughts are with @ZackPolanski and @jeremycorbyn at this difficult time….

[Rupert Lowe MP @RupertLowe10]

Good news. We've hit 50k on the petition in a matter of hours. We must save the rape gang court transcripts from destruction, and make them available to the public FOR FREE.

Let's get this to 100k today, and force a debate in Parliament.

Sign/share.

https://t.co/xaDrgSKpGc

[David Vance @DavidVance]

Dear UK media,
Does Donald Trump prosecute our soldiers through the Courts?
Does Donald Trump provide them with woefully inadequate equipment?
Does Donald Trump ignore homeless veterans on the streets?
Spare me your confected outrage.

[J.K. Rowling @jk_rowling]

I've signed. This is an unethical experiment on children who can't give meaningful consent.
https://t.co/zHvzVIyq7g

[Grandad Leeds 🏆 @TimPitham]

@SkyNews Insignificant twat

[Jaymie Icke @JaymieIcke]

Looks like the internet and phone lines are down in Iran. Something big sounds imminent.

[Sharron Davies HoL MBE @sharrond62]

Do not introduce Digital ID cards - Petitions. Final push. Finishes soon. https://t.co/eMQ5H27UUe

[Grandad Leeds 🏆 @TimPitham]

@benonwine Hunky Dory, Bowie

[Grandad Leeds 🏆 @TimPitham]

I've #justdonated to this Crowdfunding Page on @JustGiving. Here's the link if you'd like to help them raise more. It's inspiring stuff! https://t.co/bthxxxAUOV