I Won't Yell Tomorrow, I Swear

Parenting and marraige things said out loud.

[I Won't Yell Tomorrow, I Swear @tinkerbellroad]

Parenting has alot in common with baseball: all win streaks end, some days you can't get a hit, and barely mentioning success will jinx you.

[I Won't Yell Tomorrow, I Swear @tinkerbellroad]

Wife, prone: This new mattress is great!
Me, face down in pillows: Totally. It's probably the mattress I'll die on. #mattress #math

[I Won't Yell Tomorrow, I Swear @tinkerbellroad]

If it doesn't go in the dishwasher, it's not a gift.

[I Won't Yell Tomorrow, I Swear @tinkerbellroad]

Paw Patrol cheese sticks. FML. The good news? They ate 3 for lunch. The bad news? They ate 3 for lunch. *Out buying prunes.

[I Won't Yell Tomorrow, I Swear @tinkerbellroad]

End of Summer. The time of year 80's Dads resort to running around uselessly yelling "Master Blaster run Bartertown!"

[I Won't Yell Tomorrow, I Swear @tinkerbellroad]

Today's toddler nap has been brought to you by a flagrant waste of fossil fuel.

[I Won't Yell Tomorrow, I Swear @tinkerbellroad]

Every time I mention my sleeping kid's name to my wife in a text, he wakes up. Does this happen to anyone else? Seriously weird stuff.

[I Won't Yell Tomorrow, I Swear @tinkerbellroad]

This panel is so important and I appreciate all of your work. It will be great to meet you in person @DesignerDaddy. https://t.co/XSWw3tg8Sk

[I Won't Yell Tomorrow, I Swear @tinkerbellroad]

This is awesome fatherhood work @fodada. I can't wait to learn more. https://t.co/6giViT2Y33

[I Won't Yell Tomorrow, I Swear @tinkerbellroad]

3 am. Rocking the baby. Pull off the smoothest twinkle twinkle/you are my sunshine/clementine medley. Look around, slowly noding your head.

[Villain McBeardface @tshakaarmstrong]

Deconstructing #BigScaryBlackMan myth 1/5: Why is America afraid of us? Media Romanticised Bigotry https://t.co/E1MO1nAyTj Pls RT

[I Won't Yell Tomorrow, I Swear @tinkerbellroad]

Another tough one...explaining to a 3 yo that "slip-on" shoes are helpful, not dangerous.

[I Won't Yell Tomorrow, I Swear @tinkerbellroad]

Which is easier...telling your spouse "Don't step on the thing on the floor," or simply picking it up.

[I Won't Yell Tomorrow, I Swear @tinkerbellroad]

Today's problem: explaining how wearing a shirt "outside in" is not the opposite of wearing it "inside out".

[I Won't Yell Tomorrow, I Swear @tinkerbellroad]

There are so many horrible things about having kids. Like stepping on chunks of banana in your bare feet.

[I Won't Yell Tomorrow, I Swear @tinkerbellroad]

Where can I take all the lace-up kids shoes to have them destroyed forever?

[I Won't Yell Tomorrow, I Swear @tinkerbellroad]

There's those hard lessons in life. Like don't touch a hot stove. And don't turn your ice cream cone upside down.

[I Won't Yell Tomorrow, I Swear @tinkerbellroad]

Teaching the toddler about anesthesia, so when I am her pretend patient she knows that falling asleep is a part of the process.

[I Won't Yell Tomorrow, I Swear @tinkerbellroad]

Hey child of mine, asking "Where's my mommy?" in public is waaaay different than "Where's mommy?".

[I Won't Yell Tomorrow, I Swear @tinkerbellroad]

PSA for dads: Spanx sure look alot like white capri pants for kids.

[I Won't Yell Tomorrow, I Swear @tinkerbellroad]

I'm pretty sure that telekinesis will be first achieved by a parent who needs to pick up a phone while holding a sleeping baby.