absolutely exhausted

you ruin funny joke you get out of my offive

[WeRateDogs @dog_rates]

This is Flambo. He's using his talking dog buttons to accuse his small foster brother of being a cat. Nothing can convince him otherwise. 13/10 for both

[absolutely exhausted @tinyandtireddd]

@MarioNawfal This is wild, glad to hear everyone is unharmed so far and sending all my thoughts/prayers/vibes/energy to our CFD battling this raging fire 💙

[0xDesigner @0xDesigner]

Probably the best thing you'll see today.

In 2017, a group of developers hilariously competed for who could create worst volume control interface in the world.

The results 🧵

1/22

[Big Will @Rivaled_]

Ya see how simple men are? This shit entertaining as fuck

[༻𝐦𝐞𝐞𝐬𝐡༺ @mishricci]

Just got home and my mom’s pasta is singing??

[Eliza Elowen @ElizaElowen]

I have a boyfriend. He works a 9-5, so he sleeps on a regular schedule. He signed off our conversation tonight by saying, "I know you're going to stay up all night writing, so feel free to use my text message inbox as a journal. I want to know what goes on in your mind at night."

[Jaclyn A. Siegel, PhD @jacasiegel]

Gather ‘round, ladies. It’s time for the annual buying of The Notebook That Will Change Everything™️.

[courtney echerd @CourtneyEcherd]

i’m obsessed with this. why now babe

[Hi, I'm Jon @MrJonCee]

For anyone wondering about the video

[🐝🍑🥤 @peachmilfshake]

I don’t know who needs to hear this but a 5 year old only needs 30-90 minutes a day of homeschooling. The reason regular school is 8 hours is because you need to be at work for 8 hours under capitalism.

[Sherry @SchrodingrsBrat]

Girls should bring up astrology on a first date.

Not because it’s an accurate measure of compatibility, but because it self-identifies men who are arrogant, condescending, and incapable of entertaining opinions they disagree with.

[the moon’s wife @bookishseawitch]

there’s no funnier caricature of masculinity than the Him from “holiday gifts for him.” he doesn’t drink any liquid but whiskey. he’s got 20 watches on each wrist. if he saw a single texture other than leather he would throw one of his pocket knives at it.

[jojo @_jwigz]

the way i would ball that up and go about my day

[KAYA NOVA @thekayanova]

Tia Mowry said her marriage was successful, but it ended because she had evolved. She spoke about divorce being a “graduation” not a failure, that success in a marriage is not about longevity but if two people are happy together. That message is gonna save some lives for real.

[absolutely exhausted @tinyandtireddd]

This is honestly so difficult to watch but is a good illumination of the way an abusers mind functions. Nothing short of batterer intervention programs could challenge his mindset and even that probably won’t.

[AskAubry 🦋 🐆🦝 @ask_aubry]

Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them.

Margaret Atwood

He thought he could stalk her straight.

[absolutely exhausted @tinyandtireddd]

I stg I cannot handle or use Twitter without Lex. When my finger clicks Twitter and I remember she’s not here I just have to immediately exit.

[Red Sox @RedSox]

Forecast called for a W.

🔗 https://t.co/PUawO6Ta3f

[Red Sox @RedSox]

#FENWAYWEATHER: We are in a rain delay in the bottom of the 5th.

As soon as we have a time to resume the game, we will provide an update.