TinyCaptainBobo

aspiring wife guy, amateur boof inspector, winner of nastiest nae nae 2019

[TinyCaptainBobo @tinycaptainbobo]

Top 6 moments in my life that perfectly synced up to a creed song:

[TinyCaptainBobo @tinycaptainbobo]

Just smoked a blue chew off tin foil. My shit look like Mike Tyson's neck rn. This park bench bout to learn some things

[TinyCaptainBobo @tinycaptainbobo]

Is there a way I can get EBT if I make 185k a year?

[TinyCaptainBobo @tinycaptainbobo]

I'm in the control group, faded off some placebos you've never even heard of

[TinyCaptainBobo @tinycaptainbobo]

Nothin piss me off more than seeing a dude that's fatter than me in a nicer car than me

[TinyCaptainBobo @tinycaptainbobo]

You'll be havin the worst fight possible on a road trip with your girl and pick the gas station with the strongest door in the state to pull over at. I almost pulled my gun on it bro GET OUT THE WAY

[TinyCaptainBobo @tinycaptainbobo]

Did your little "husband" buy you a coffee this morning or do I need to pull out my McDonald's points?

[TinyCaptainBobo @tinycaptainbobo]

When you were partying I was at the seven feathers casino in Canyonville Oregon

When you were having premarital sex I was being narcaned in the parking lot

While you wasted your days at the gym in pursuit of vanity I became bicurious

[TinyCaptainBobo @tinycaptainbobo]

Stayin off the grid and focusing on the girth. Got nothin to prove but a lot to hide. Lemme go down on ya

[TinyCaptainBobo @tinycaptainbobo]

Just experienced ego death at the wing master

[TinyCaptainBobo @tinycaptainbobo]

Y'all mind if I become that which I sought to destroy?

[TinyCaptainBobo @tinycaptainbobo]

They call me the mandolorian the way I gro and gu

[TinyCaptainBobo @tinycaptainbobo]

The hardest part of my waffle house training was when we drilled on the Macedonian phalanx

[TinyCaptainBobo @tinycaptainbobo]

Cucks these days don't even eat your nut out of her anymore, now they just sit there and cry

[TinyCaptainBobo @tinycaptainbobo]

Bitch really said I loved you that's why I assaulted you

[TinyCaptainBobo @tinycaptainbobo]

Got ready for work today and had to pick the pants with the least blowed out crotch

[TinyCaptainBobo @tinycaptainbobo]

Shout out the chubby alt girl I was fuckin with in 2018, she gave me chlamydia but also put me onto pinegrove so I still think about her daily

[TinyCaptainBobo @tinycaptainbobo]

I hit flow state at fogo de chao

[TinyCaptainBobo @tinycaptainbobo]

I'm like Batman if he was fat and had no hoes and was just marginally middle class and lowkey stupid and only jerked off and played runescape instead of fighting crime

[TinyCaptainBobo @tinycaptainbobo]

When you already 5 minutes late for work and that first wipe ain't have no friction at all

[TinyCaptainBobo @tinycaptainbobo]

Been reciting Macbeth to the stripper all night