pissbox 20

[pissbox 20 @tipyourmuse]

One of the great joys of womanhood you don’t really hear about is that every so often you’ll get the opportunity to forget your life as a human person and assume the likeness and mobility of a geriatric slug

[pissbox 20 @tipyourmuse]

Everyone tag @Taskrabbit below to get them to add a feature to sort by tasker size—trying to hire a really tiny person to climb in my nose and scrub it with a coconut fiber scrub daddy

[pissbox 20 @tipyourmuse]

Screaming ouch every time my car hits a big pothole cuz I’m an empath

[pissbox 20 @tipyourmuse]

I eat at chick fil a because I am homophobic and I want my lunch to reflect that

[pissbox 20 @tipyourmuse]

I do not pay the shrimp who fries rice inside my dreams a living wage

[pissbox 20 @tipyourmuse]

‘Would you rather show your search history to your friends or your parents?’

Well that depends, how long has it been since I’ve googled “Matthew lillard tongue”?

[pissbox 20 @tipyourmuse]

One must imagine Oscar the Grouch happy

[pissbox 20 @tipyourmuse]

Got a premonition that some prepubescent twenty one pilots fans are gonna lure me into a dark alley and beat me to death with their adidas sambas

[pissbox 20 @tipyourmuse]

If you don’t put your glasses on, every steak is cooked exactly to your liking

[pissbox 20 @tipyourmuse]

Having to close one eye to read tweets. Don’t text otherwise I’ll have to close both

[pissbox 20 @tipyourmuse]

Who’s ready to have a fun and normal weekend? I’m feeling fun and normal and am looking forward to feeling that way all weekend 😃

[pissbox 20 @tipyourmuse]

O Chungus my chungus

[pissbox 20 @tipyourmuse]

They should make a diuretic that doesn’t make you piss

[pissbox 20 @tipyourmuse]

Im a creep…im a weirdo…what the helly am i doing here…

[pissbox 20 @tipyourmuse]

@sambeastmode2 I’m munching on cabbage like a rabbit if that’s cool with you

[pissbox 20 @tipyourmuse]

White guys be like “my buddy Urchin is driving his van to Costa Rica”

[pissbox 20 @tipyourmuse]

This complex organism has a headache

[pissbox 20 @tipyourmuse]

You’ve probably never even drank water. Only straight jizz out of the cock.

[pissbox 20 @tipyourmuse]

The wiener dog running across the street is going nowhere fast but somewhere for sure

[pissbox 20 @tipyourmuse]

Went to the doctor thinking I had some fatal bacterial infection only to get diagnosed with seasonal allergies