Father Ted Crilly

That money was just resting in my account!

[Father Ted Crilly @Tly54]

Norwood PD after UDF is robbed the 5th time in 2 weeks vs. Norwood PD when there's a party on Cleneay

[Aelfred The Great @aelfred_D]

To George and Laura, Bill and Hillary—love you big dogs.

And to Joe and Jill, hello.

[weird medieval guys @WeirdMedieval]

you fools….where do you think they’re rowing to…..?

[Father Ted Crilly @Tly54]

Update: I just called the uber because after waiting like 15 minutes, the car cancelled. I expect you to reimburse @lyft

[Father Ted Crilly @Tly54]

Thank you @lyft for making me wait God knows how long for a driver, then last minute having him cancel. Shit, tell me that you’ll do that next time and I’ll pay th extra money for uber.

[S @SebasRiive]

Es el mejor tuit en la historia de esta red social.

[Father Ted Crilly @Tly54]

How it feels living in Chicago watching the Japanese and Scots making friends and loving their trip when you know Rahm Emmanuel shot down the idea of hosting the World Cup:

[Alice 🇺🇸🇩🇪 @AliceClimbers]

Steve Harvey: Top 10 ANSWER ON THE BOARD, NAME ME A LEFTIST COUNTRY

*buzzzzzzzzzzz*

Saudi Arabia?

Steve Harvey so exasperated he's out of breath:

SAUDI ARABIA????

[chaotic memes @memechaotic]

I wonder what they're talking about.

[Father Ted Crilly @Tly54]

COD on XBox Live circa 2010-2012 was such a trip. You’d get home from school and play some video games then be called slurs by some dude with a family.

[Portillo's @portilloshotdog]

welcome, everyone

[Alex Fairfax @Alex_Fairfax06]

“What’s my approval rating?”

- It’s bad Mr Prime Minister. It’s -43. It’s…it’s in the mud.

“Could it get lower?”

- I mean anything COULD happen but realistically-

“Kill the ponies.”

- Wha-

“The ponies. The cute little ponies. Kill them.”

- Sir, they’re endangered

“Fuck ‘em. Make the call.”

[Q U N A T M A X X E R @QuNat389282]

You thought they were joking?

[Swaggy Unc, IQ 267 @swaggyunc]

Eating in Mexico coming from England or Scotland has got to be a transcendent experience. Like seeing colors for the first time

[Integrity Guy @Integrity_Freak]

No ma’am, I don’t have a boarding pass. I’m simply here to enjoy the world famous dining and nightlife at O’Hare International Airport

[Shaun 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿🇺🇸 @shaunvlog_]

Okay Texas, I discovered that several Scottish men fought and gave their lives, alongside their Texan friends, to defend the Alamo. What a place and what awesome history 🤩🇺🇸🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿🫡

[NOBUNAGA🇯🇵🏯_夏樹蒼依 @japan_nobunaga]

USA. A Mexican restaurant. We had not yet ordered anything, and the food was already arriving.

Chips. Salsa. Unrequested. Free.

I stopped the waiter. "We have not earned these."

"They just come with the table, man."

They come with the TABLE. In my land, hospitality is a debt. Every gift creates an obligation, weighed carefully, returned in the proper season with interest of feeling. Here, the gift arrives before you have even proven you can pay for dinner.

This is not an appetizer. This is a declaration: we trust you. Eat.

I ate with the gravity the moment deserved. And then — I must report this calmly — the basket emptied, and a new one appeared.

"Did we…?"

"Refill," the waiter said. "It's bottomless."

Bottomless. They have wells of salsa. The supply lines of this nation are beyond anything my ancestors imagined.

My friend warned me. "Don't fill up on chips, dude."

Too late. I had accepted three baskets. Honor demanded each one be finished — an unfinished gift is an insult. By the time my actual food arrived, I was a ruined man.

I was not hungry. I was not comfortable. I had been defeated by a courtesy.

Generosity that arrives before the request cannot be repaid. It can only be survived.

I know the rule now. I have made my peace with the basket. One basket. Two at the most.

Who am I deceiving. There is no number of baskets I would refuse. The trust of a nation is in that salsa, and I intend to honor all of it.

[Voödoo 6 von Inyanga @6Voodoo]

Let’s go…

[Michael Haneke Paneke @davo_arid]

Literal Nazi tattoo: i sleep

You once had 88 Twitter followers: real shit