Thomas Maxwell

Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery, none but ourselves can free our minds

[Thomas Maxwell @tmackwell21]

One of the saddest days in my life was the day after my 11th birthday when I realized I wasn't getting that Hogwarts Letter

[Thomas Maxwell @tmackwell21]

Airports are one of the only government regulated places where it’s okay to run around. That shit doesn’t slide in public schools or courthouses.

[Thomas Maxwell @tmackwell21]

@FinanceFodder @ThinkAppraiser Most importantly- Barton’s gin

[Thomas Maxwell @tmackwell21]

She give me that triceratop, call it Jurassic Park

[Thomas Maxwell @tmackwell21]

No other Government in the world has a more perfected system of stealing from their working class than ours does.

[Thomas Maxwell @tmackwell21]

Gin flows cheap, a river’s humble stream,
Arroz con pollo scents the air supreme,
Life’s a riddle spun in fleeting gleam,
A job anew, fate’s whisper in my dream—
To chase the stars or drift in time’s grand scheme?

[Thomas Maxwell @tmackwell21]

I could use your help reaching my fundraising goal. Every single share and donation makes a difference. https://t.co/73vTF26Nd3

[Thomas Maxwell @tmackwell21]

@OldRowOfficial Wasn’t the president of the school paying the pool boy to bang his wife while he watched?👀

[Thomas Maxwell @tmackwell21]

The more firsts you have, the less seconds you’ll need.

[Thomas Maxwell @tmackwell21]

Tonight would have been a different outcome if Mayweather had a pair of these bad boys.

[Thomas Maxwell @tmackwell21]

@fuckforte Rip ice. You were sublime

[Thomas Maxwell @tmackwell21]

@aanton5581 Who did it better?

[Thomas Maxwell @tmackwell21]

She don’t cook she don’t clean, but she “needs” a Bissell Crosswave

[Thomas Maxwell @tmackwell21]

@Jhugghies Those bitches were too busy hexing the moon

[Thomas Maxwell @tmackwell21]

A grasshopper that can’t hop is just grass

[Thomas Maxwell @tmackwell21]

Who talks faster, the girls ranting on TikTok or the guy that tells you the side effects on drug commercials??

[Thomas Maxwell @tmackwell21]

The last time anything was really ‘Live’ Janet Jackson showed her nipple.

[Thomas Maxwell @tmackwell21]

You know you’re an alcoholic when the smell of GermX makes you thirsty

[Thomas Maxwell @tmackwell21]

Who’s Scott? And what’s so great about him?

[Thomas Maxwell @tmackwell21]

Y’all have heard of Cool Hand Luke but I doubt you’ve heard of his less popular cousin Cheap Whore Luke

[Thomas Maxwell @tmackwell21]

I just had three pieces of Wrigley’s big red, dare me to drive?