ToastyBoy 🍂

They/It | Just a silly little guy | !! 21 !! | VERY into Half-Life, Neverwinter Nights, Resident Evil, and TLOZ | Probably thinking about Hearstopper 🍂

[ethan @ethanp0iss0n]

I just know your hole is on the outside of your body

[2001 Live @25YearsAgoLive]

A new Studio Ghibli film, Spirited Away, premieres in Japan.

[Mason🛸 LARS PLUSH! @ItsMaybeMason]

Grace's first birthday Party on erid is gonna go crazy

#ProjectHailMary

[ゆらぴこ🌼🐤 @yura_burstgirl]

Today i learned new American phrase...🇺🇸

Deadass💀

I deadass love Buc-ee's🦫🦫🦫

[cielo @cielosplaylist]

coworker said they don’t like unions. for context, we are apart of the one of the biggest unions in southern california and i am a union rep at my job

[𝕭𝖊𝖓𝖓𝖎𝖊✨ @Bennieeexyz]

Jury duty letter came addressed to my cat.

Not a mistake. "Felix Martinez" - that's his full name according to his vet records.

My last name. His first name. Somehow he's a registered voter now.

Called the county clerk.

Me: My cat got summoned for jury duty.

Clerk: Is the name correct on the summons?

Me: Yes, but he's a cat.

Clerk: Is Felix Martinez a legal resident of this county?

Me: He's a legal cat.

Clerk: Sir, if the name matches our records, he needs to appear or file an exemption.

Me: He can't file anything. He has paws.

Clerk: You can file on his behalf.

Me: Under what exemption? There's no box for "is a cat."

Clerk: (pause) Check "unable to serve due to medical reasons."

Me: What's the medical reason?

Clerk: He's a cat.

Me: That's not a medical condition.

Clerk: It is if it prevents him from serving.

Sent in the form. Got rejected two weeks later.

"Insufficient documentation. Please provide medical professional's statement."

Took the letter to my vet.

Me: I need you to write that my cat can't do jury duty.

Vet: Why is your cat summoned for jury duty?

Me: Excellent question. No good answer.

Vet: This is the weirdest request I've gotten.

Me: Can you just write that he's medically unfit to serve?

Vet: On what grounds?

Me: He's a cat.

Vet: (started typing) "Patient is unable to serve due to species-related limitations including inability to speak, read, or comprehend legal proceedings."

Me: Perfect.

Sent it in. Got another rejection.

"Summons is mandatory. Failure to appear will result in contempt of court."

My roommate thought this was hilarious.

Roommate: Felix is going to jail.

Me: This is serious.

Roommate: Bring him to court. See what happens.

Decided that was actually the only option left.

Day of jury duty, put Felix in his carrier. Brought the entire paper trail of rejection letters.

Checked in at the courthouse.

Clerk: Name?

Me: Felix Martinez.

Clerk: (looked at the cat carrier) Is that Felix?

Me: Yes.

Clerk: (long stare) He's a cat.

Me: I've been saying that for six weeks.

Clerk: Why didn't you file an exemption?

Me: I filed three. All rejected.

Showed her the letters. She read through them, expression shifting from confusion to disbelief.

Clerk: Someone rejected the veterinary documentation?

Me: Twice.

Clerk: (called her supervisor over) You need to see this.

Supervisor read everything. Looked at Felix. Looked at me.

Supervisor: How did a cat get registered to vote?

Me: You tell me.

Supervisor: This is a data error.

Me: Took you six weeks to figure that out.

They dismissed Felix immediately. Apologized for the inconvenience.

Supervisor: We'll remove him from the voter registry.

Me: Appreciate it.

Supervisor: (pause) Out of curiosity, how would he have voted?

Me: Probably whatever party supports universal treats.

Got a formal apology letter a week later and a voter registration card.

For me this time. Apparently I wasn't registered, but my cat was.

Roommate: Felix committed voter fraud.

Me: Felix committed nothing. He's innocent.

Roommate: That's what they all say.

Felix is sleeping on the jury summons now.

Fitting end to his legal career.

[Squeebs ᗧʻ̑ ˙̫ ʻ̑ᗤ⍝ @Squeeebss]

These commissions man LMAO #projecthailmary

[💭 @zeldatalk]

like i don’t have time for you MOVE

[Pop Base @PopBase]

Today is 6/7.

[evan loves worf @esjesjesj]

He legit blasted him into orbit how is this possible

[.:◊:. Sann .:◊:. @AngrySannn]

Just Rocky who's playing with his dolls😌
#projecthailmary

[shark! ✸ 🇵🇷 @melonsharks]

omg thank you for the love on queso. here's queso getting scolded by rocky :(

[phantotree @PhantoTree]

WHO THE FUCK IS THIS

[𓊓 @social_actavis]

like how do you see this and not interpret it as “deal’s off”

[Hunter Biden @HunterBiden]

I hope everyone had a great 4th of July. I know @realDonaldTrump and family did.

250 years ago we declared independence from a king who ran the colonies as a family business. In just 18 months the Trumps have made King George look like an amateur.

A $620 million Pentagon loan, the largest in the program’s history, to a company Don Jr.’s firm bought into three months before.

An Air Force drone contract to a startup the princelings took public through a golf course company they own a piece of.

The Army’s largest drone motor order ever, to a company where Don Jr. sits on the board and holds millions in stock.

A $24 million Pentagon robotics contract to the company that employs Eric as Chief Strategy Advisor.

A stake in the largest undeveloped tungsten deposit on earth, in Kazakhstan, backed by $1.6 billion in US government support.

Jared’s fund seeded with $2 billion from the Saudi crown prince, now $6.2 billion, 99% of it foreign money from Gulf governments. Over $110 million in fees collected from the Saudis alone. He negotiates American foreign policy with the governments that pay him.

$2.3 billion from crypto ventures their father regulates. More than a million people bought in and lost $2.3 billion. The money didn’t grow. It simply moved from the subjects pockets to the crown’s coffers.

And the next one is already drafted. A proposed ATF rule that will allow guns to be shipped straight to your front door. The government’s own estimate is 3.3 million home gun deliveries a year. Don Jr. sits on the board of the online gun megastore built to cash in. He holds 300,000 shares.

And that’s only the fraction they’ve allowed us to see. Not one subpoena served. Not one search executed. Why hide anything when you own the investigators?

Me? They searched a laptop for six years. Federal prosecutors. Grand juries. Subpoena power. Congressional hearings. They found nothing. I made about $200k a year selling paintings when my Dad was President, and they made my paintings part of an impeachment inquiry.

For six years they’ve asked Where’s Hunter? What about the laptop?

Wrong questions. The right one is 250 years old. Does America belong to a family?

They’ve given their answer. Long live the King.