tobias

[tobias @toborowitz]

hoping these are stock

[tobias @toborowitz]

he’s right guys, let’s lay off. his life is really hard

[Elon Musk @elonmusk]

Use of the word “billionaire” as a pejorative is morally wrong & dumb 😛

[tobias @toborowitz]

that’s one noodle

[Cardi BTEC @amelia_perrin]

the pasta portion size at kourtney kardashian’s wedding is the one of the saddest things i’ve ever seen

[tobias @toborowitz]

I’m so white bro this pesto has me sweatin

[tobias @toborowitz]

could be smart people stuff but i just see hieroglyphs

[tobias @toborowitz]

are these words in pig latin or what

[tobias @toborowitz]

@PADFOOTLUPIN witness greatness

[tobias @toborowitz]

ppl 4000000 years from now getting killed@by a huge anus…losers…

[Latest in space @latestinspace]

BREAKING 🚨: The black hole at center of our galaxy has been capture for the first time

[tobias @toborowitz]

@duckieryleigh rome wasnt built in a day

[tobias @toborowitz]

gym people
*nuzzles your trapezius* you like that?

[tobias @toborowitz]

(typed from a throne of fumbled cereal and earwax droppings)
woman with a high body count are undesirable to high-value men

[erik! @vvlxvv]

nose pickers be like bro i swear i’m not addicted just one more booger

[tobias @toborowitz]

If this edit button shit happens i’m sorry for the villain i will become

[Cher @cher]

@derpo377 I Hadn’t Seen The Fight
Dip💩…I went To get a Dr Pepper.

[tobias @toborowitz]

@akadrob05 Yep! With my FONDOODLER! https://t.co/xdDhyaOYVc

[tobias @toborowitz]

Be honest -- how'd I do? 😅🤣😂

[tobias @toborowitz]

@altoidsrevenge

[tobias @toborowitz]

10 years ago today a man with a big hat cursed me to be a bumbling fool