Crap_a_toddler_says

The philosophical musings of a boy from aged 3 to 10 & a girl aged 2 to 6

[Crap_a_toddler_says @toddlercrap]

Who took the flies out your cake!?!?!

#crap #newsayings

[Crap_a_toddler_says @toddlercrap]

Daddy, my teeth are hot!

#hot #teeth #hotteeth 🦷

[Crap_a_toddler_says @toddlercrap]

Betsy: I was like a doctors bed.

Daddy: What do you mean?

Betsy: You know, a doctors bed! Like when you’re ill... like you’ve bumped your head, having a baby or you’re dead.

#feels #likeadoctorsbed

[Crap_a_toddler_says @toddlercrap]

*playing*
Charlie: Betsy, this is your bed
Betsy: I’m not Betsy, I’m Mummy
C: Ok, Mummy, here’s your bed
B: But I don’t need a bed... cos I’m a Mummy..
C:......... Oh yeah!

#charliesays #betsysays #mummysdontsleep

[Crap_a_toddler_says @toddlercrap]

Daddy.... Nirvana might look & sound a bit grumpy... but they make a great sound.

#charliesays #nirvana #insummary

[Crap_a_toddler_says @toddlercrap]

If my eyeball fell out I would need a glide dog.

A what?

A glide dog!!

What do they do then?

Help you glide about.

#CharlieSays #GlideDogs

[Crap_a_toddler_says @toddlercrap]

Charlie: Knock knock!
Betsy: Dr Who!
Charlie: Bonkers!!

C & B: *hysterical laughter*

@KidsWriteJokes

[Crap_a_toddler_says @toddlercrap]

What you call a unicycle with no wheel?

Don't know what do you call a unicycle with no wheel?

A unicycle with no wheels.

@KidsWriteJokes

[Crap_a_toddler_says @toddlercrap]

Why do men like beer?

Cos they are odd odds!

@KidsWriteJokes

[Crap_a_toddler_says @toddlercrap]

Awww.. that's so sweet!
I'm gonna cry my ears off!

#charliesays #crying

[Crap_a_toddler_says @toddlercrap]

Mummy I know what your real name is.
Ok, what is it then?
Michael Jackson!
Erm, it's not.
Yes, it is!

#Charliesays #MJ #MJismyMummy

[The Grayson @GraysonThe]

Charlie... this says To Bab.
Who's Bab?

You Daddy......... you're my Bab.

#FathersDay #HappyFathersDay #Bab

[Crap_a_toddler_says @toddlercrap]

I know how birds fly!

You learnt that in school today?

Yes!
People put sticks up their bums & just wave them about!

#charliesays #birds

[Crap_a_toddler_says @toddlercrap]

I've got ants in my winky.
Erm... Ok that's good.
No, 'snot cos it's got wee in there too.. so the ants are in wee.

#charliesays #antwinky

[Crap_a_toddler_says @toddlercrap]

My skidoo is so fast.
It goes 40 hours of speed!

#charliesays New film pitch #40hoursofspeed Possibly starring #VinDiesel

[Crap_a_toddler_says @toddlercrap]

*It's a talking egg cos there's a Daddy in it.
*Is that where Daddy's come from, eggs?
*No they're made in China!

#charliesays #madeinchina

[Crap_a_toddler_says @toddlercrap]

If I used one of my other voices I'd make you all mad Mummy......

...I've got lots of voices in my head!

#charliesays #voicesinmyhead

[Crap_a_toddler_says @toddlercrap]

>Tonight make sure you don't lay on the side with your arm where your injection was
>Or all my blood will leak out??

#charliesays #blood 💉

[Crap_a_toddler_says @toddlercrap]

Abdul lost his blood on way to lunch today
What?
All his blood spots disappeared
What?
He was puffing a bit
What?
#charliesays #bloodloss

[Crap_a_toddler_says @toddlercrap]

It can't be real because I see dinosaurs in the picture & I know they all stinked!

#charliesays #dinosaur #extinct #stinks #eggcorn