Todd Murray

he/him - 22 - South Wales - Software Project Manager

[mao 🇦🇺 @freemaowtf]

second loudest after americans in a restaurant

[ella devi @ellad3vi]

they were parading elmo's head around on a pike last night

[Brian Tyler Cohen @briantylercohen]

i’ll bet this hits so hard if you’re stupid

[Brad Stephen @Brad_Stephen0]

What?

[Florence Lox 🇬🇧🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿 @floboflo]

Pipe down love.

[Anna @ox_anna29]

My whole young adult life has been under a Conservative government and all I got was austerity, tripled uni fees, Brexit, 11% inflation and Liz Truss. Respectively you guys can do one.

[putasinghonit @putasinghonit]

the concept of a bin man calling matty healy a cunt as he stands next to an overflowing bin full of three weeks worth of rubbish

[Gary Treeman @PurpyNFL]

Muslims are aware that pork exists and tolerate other people eating pork so that’s the exact same thing being asked of you?

[Mark MacKillop @mark_mackillop]

THEIRS?!?! #nonbinary

[Ross McCafferty @RossMcCaff]

GP system is a mess, says Shipman

[Esha K @eshaLegal]

Well, there is that old joke about Soviet Propaganda vs American propaganda

[🇺🇸 🦅Simple Man 🦅🇺🇸 @Soaringeagle45]

A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper of 20 years, Guido, has cheated him out of $10 million.

Guido is deaf which is why he got the job in the first place.

The Godfather assumed that since Guido could not hear anything, he could never testify in court.

When the Godfather goes to confront Guido about his missing $10 million,
he takes along his personal lawyer because he knows sign language.

The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the money is!"
The lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido, "Where's the money?"
Guido signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about."
The lawyer tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you are talking about."

The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Guido's head and says, "Ask him again or I'll kill him!"

The lawyer signs to Guido, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him."
Guido trembles and signs back, "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed at my cousin Bruno's house."

The Godfather asks the lawyer, "What did he say?"

The lawyer replies, "He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger."

[James Tate @JamesTate121]

Apparently most do not know the definition of capitalism or socialism.

[COCO @TWOTIMESABITCH]

girl that’s not a beige flag that not even a red flag that’s an air raid siren.

[Nikolaj🇺🇦🇵🇸 @nikicaga]

Genuinely hilarious that the Queen's death led to Paddington becoming celebrity Grim Reaper in the UK

[celia @_celia_bedelia_]

This is a great question if you’re a fucking idiot

[Liz Webster @LizWebsterSBF]

Students confronted @TiceRichard over the Nathan Gill Russia bribery scandal.

Will asked, “Persuade me it’s not worrying you didn’t spot a Russian bribe-taker in your own ranks.”

“And top of that is the fact, the fact you blatantly lied to the Times Magazine in March, saying you'd never met him, when I have various photos of you here- Nathan Gill lied to you.”

Tice tried to wriggle out of it and they called him a liar. The whole hall erupted in applause 👏

The Reform ‘straight-talking’ myth just died on stage.

[Mark Hammond @MarkHam80780803]

The UK was perfect. The globalists took this from us.