Toffee Hammer

Who Wants Toffee?

[Alec Bowers @Alecbowers]

@virool #virool is cool- true #americandream #success. Very cool #adtech - it's the #future! https://t.co/FPSTrhcmlY https://t.co/OWMVqlBYfZ

[World Football Tips @WFootballTips]

MEMBERS £25 ➡️ £1,000 CHALLENGE COMPLETE!!!☑️⚽️💷
(£20 short).

That's 2 £1,000 Challenge in 1 Week!!!💰🔥

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[Toffee Hammer @toffeehammer]

Out of Siamese prison anew, I return home, as proudly American as an apple-cheeked farmer's daughter's toes pointing to a hayloft roof.

[Toffee Hammer @toffeehammer]

Why anyone should need to rise at 3:30am, save for fishermen, senior citizens, or an especially horny rooster, is beyond my comprehension.

[Toffee Hammer @toffeehammer]

I daresay I wouldn't go so far as Ms. Featherbother in calling him an "iconic warrior of truth", but Soupy Sales is still a charming fellow.

[Toffee Hammer @toffeehammer]

Well, that's the first time I've ever knocked a man out with a frozen plantain. Let the world-weary put that in their ennui and smoke it.

[Toffee Hammer @toffeehammer]

I don't care if he IS Head of the UN Security Council, the next time he bids me to pull his finger, I'll use my team of horses to oblige.

[Toffee Hammer @toffeehammer]

I am deeply heartened to hear that Mr. Villa always remembered my advice, when I reminded him that he was a "Mexican" and not a "Mexican't".

[Toffee Hammer @toffeehammer]

You call it OCD, checking my cupboards for Belgians; I call it "I'm not having some Trappist shred all of my potatoes while I sleep" again.

[Toffee Hammer @toffeehammer]

Dibble used my dhoti to catch frogs again. I suppose I shall have to greet the Maharashtran envoys with a ribbiting chorus in my trousers.

[Toffee Hammer @toffeehammer]

When she asked "if I'd hit it", I suppose a startled look at her ample posterior and query of "Will it hit back?" was not a gallant retort.

[Toffee Hammer @toffeehammer]

Oh dear. Old Professor Shedlow's named that barrel "Fort Harrison" and won't emerge from it for fear that Tecumseh shall claim his toupee.

[Toffee Hammer @toffeehammer]

The toothless fishwife pinched my bottom and promised to "shower me in hake" again, but I fear such a seafood discount requires I "put out".

[Toffee Hammer @toffeehammer]

I merely suggested charisma was probably not his only attribute that would fail to fill a sausage casing, and sent my bootcap to verify it.

[Toffee Hammer @toffeehammer]

Oh dear. Whenever Miss Featherbother shows up wearing only jodhpurs and brandishing a buggy whip, I know she's had one Arbor Mist too many.

[Toffee Hammer @toffeehammer]

Be he the Mayor of Seattle or the King of Siam, no one passes wind in my ear as I enjoy a meal without a healthy serving of just desserts!

[Toffee Hammer @toffeehammer]

I confess to a lack of tact, but his coffee did taste like it was filtered through the dungarees of a muleskinner with clinical flatulence.

[Toffee Hammer @toffeehammer]

My life is littered with unfinished works, but I'll be damned if this bowl of porridge will be among them!

[Toffee Hammer @toffeehammer]

I confess it was more a matter of ire than scientific interest when I attempted to insert a bellows into our host's orifice and inflate him.

[Toffee Hammer @toffeehammer]

Finally retrieved my repaired laptop from the blacksmith. The cost was exorbitant, but I rarely argue with one who wields glowing hot tongs.