Tom

[Pastor Alex @PastorAlexLove]

@paulmasonnews @PooleMattersNot You are such a hypocrite, when you played for Arsenal you drank more than anyone 😡

[Tottenham Hotspur @SpursOfficial]

Tottenham Hotspur announces departure of Executive Chairman Daniel Levy.

[Inevitable West @Inevitablewest]

🚨BREAKING: Donald Trump calls out Sadiq Khan in front of Starmer:

"I'm not a fan of the Mayor. He's a nasty person. I think he's done a terrible job."

[Tottenham Hotspur @SpursOfficial]

Lads, it's Tottenham.

[James Maddison @Madders10]

I always win things in my second season. Bruhhhhhhhh😂😂😂

[JRTSPURS @jrtspurs]

Tottenham and Manchester Utd fans this morning

[FearBuck @FearedBuck]

Bro did not even care her camera was there 😭

[Inevitable West @Inevitablewest]

🚨BREAKING: Anti-Starmer Christmas song ‘Freezing this Christmas’ has hit no.1 in the UK official download charts.

Britain really hates Keir Starmer…

[Alex Armstrong @Alexarmstrong]

I think this one man has just summed up the mood of the entire nation.

Bravo 👏

[Cari Kelemen @KelemenCari]

OMG! He added a golf swing! ❤️

[Jack Kenmare @jackkenmare_]

Still don’t know how Aldershot manager Mark Molesley kept a straight face in this. An all-timer

[Conservatives @Conservatives]

Keir Starmer uses his first big speech as Prime Minister to call for the return of the sausages

[Daniel O’Reilly @dapperlaughs]

A day in the life of an English man.

Picture this, you’re in london, it costs more than you earn to live here, you slowly accumulate debt, you cant afford a holiday so you just use drugs to escape.

The weathers shit & the people that live here hate each other with a passion but you cant afford to leave.

You wake up one morning to you find out your tax is going up after ulez, the cost of living crisis, energy prices & interest rates have eat the last bit of spending money that was left from your monthly wage.

While you’re sat on the toilet reading tweets from the metropolitan police about online trolls a swat team smashes through the bathroom window, past you on the shitter & arrests your 11 year old son for shouting at a police officer.

Your sister rings you (she recently got fired from her job as a doctor for refusing to ask biological men if they are pregnant) & tells you grandma just froze to death because Keir Starmer gave her winter allowance to country on the other side of the planet that’s wealthy then us to help them with climate change.

It all gets a bit much so you go for a pint and try to relax by smoking a cigarette in the beer garden & find out its illegal & get barred.

So you decide to go for a walk to clear your mind & get violently stabbed to death.

The Guardian then plasters your face all over the news for randomly jumping on a perfectly good knife 54 times that was held by a choir boy.

Your sister tweets about it & gets nicked.

Your son comes out of prison & protests about it, but this time he shouts at a police horse, gets nicked but the prisons are too full, so they let out Ian Huntley to put him in back in.

Mad thing is, that don’t even sound far fetched now does it, its now all a perfectly believable turn of events 😂

[The Harry Enfield Show @HarryEnfield6]

People hearing about the rumoured Oasis reunion
#Oasis #oasisreunion #oasis2025

[Alex Armstrong @Alexarmstrong]

Who did this 😂

[Elon Musk @elonmusk]

#TwoTierKeir

[Dr Johnny Bananas @barbedquill]

I’ve trawled the archives this morning in an attempt to pin-point the spark that lit the fuse of the societal collapse we’re witnessing right now and I’m fairly certain it’s here…

[Coral @Coral]

“You’re just going to do what you did last time and give it to the under-21 manager, and we’re going to be stuck with Lee Carsley”

The FA:

[Argo Memes @ArgyleMemes]

Trippier saying hello to Lamine Yamal tonight. #ENGSPA