Tom!

i would like to invoke my right to jester’s privilege your honor

[Tom! @tomgrennell]

Got bored the other night and decided to convince @courtneymauss that someone signed her up for an automated gnome fact service

[Tom! @tomgrennell]

Hi did I mention I wrote a silly short Looney Tunes-inspired urban fantasy novel that you can get for free or for a donation to my children’s Disneyland fund https://t.co/JN6xvc10jb

[Tom! @tomgrennell]

we’re here we’re queer we’re hanging on for life comma dear

[Tom! @tomgrennell]

I’m truly doing you all a disservice by not using this account and for that I am sorry

[Tom! @tomgrennell]

what’s up guys, this is my new LG dishwasher. the front is glass so you can see what’s going on. check it out, it’s about to hit spin cycle. [we all gather in as the racks begin to rotate at dizzying speeds, smashing all my fine china to smithereens in an instant] it’s smart:)

[turbomander @turbomander]

tshirt that says "im not an archmage im the mage who arched up"

[Lauren ✨🧚🏻‍♀️ @merdweeb]

Hello pls consider taking a look at the Walk to Cure Arthritis fundraiser for Penny! Sharing or donating could really help :)

https://t.co/nywlYdRgiH

[Lauren ✨🧚🏻‍♀️ @merdweeb]

Tom’s going to banana ball today with his friends and I made them flags lol

[Tom! @tomgrennell]

going to spend the whole night talking about my big plans for the future and how i feel invincible and nothing can stop me so when i die unexpectedly and nastily everyone will know it is a murder and i will lock the doors so they know it had to have been One Of Them

[Tom! @tomgrennell]

in the same way that good friends will go to a wedding and then propose and have an ambush wedding on the spot, i intend to schedule my suicide for my friend’s wedding, but my +1 will be a pastor ready to administer my last rites with a crew on standby to bury me under the venue

[Tom! @tomgrennell]

A guy’s here to install our Internet and he saw the chickens and got so excited and was like listing off his plans of what he was going to do to get us set up and at the end of the list he was like “and if you see a chicken I can pet please let me know”

[Star★Salts @starsalts]

Wiggle wiggle! 🌟

[Tom! @tomgrennell]

@viewmp3 At least I’m doing decent numbers

[Tom! @tomgrennell]

@viewmp3 I AM SO SORRY YOU HAD TO FIND OUT LIKE THIS

[Tom! @tomgrennell]

@viewmp3 Oh my GOD

[Tom! @tomgrennell]

@viewmp3 I need to know if this was me or not Hello

[Tom! @tomgrennell]

@viewmp3 HI????

[Tom! @tomgrennell]

what I’m hanging on by: a thread 🧵

[Tom! @tomgrennell]

IP-based hero shooter in the styling of Marvel Rivals but for Broadway shows. Annie has an ability called Hard Knock Life that beats the shit out of you. Mama Rose summons two horribly neglected children. Javert uses his ultimate and just fucking kills himself.

[Tom! @tomgrennell]

pardon my fishnets and deep v, my dear watson. you must be the detectives from scotland yard. the name is sherlock hoes. i put the SLUT in SLeUTh. i WILL be flirting with each of you. now show me to the mangled human remains.

[Lauren ✨🧚🏻‍♀️ @merdweeb]

What you actually need in life is one friend with a film camera