Tommy Thompson

Get your banana runts out of my face.

[Emo Philips @EmoPhilips]

no one on twitter has the right to complain about losing an hour

[Tommy Thompson @TommyTcomedy]

With all that is going on I have decided the only thing that can raise my spirits is a zombie uprising @RobertKirkman

[mark normand @marknorm]

No wonder Batman is so depressed, can you imagine how much it costs to fill up the batmobile

[Tommy Thompson @TommyTcomedy]

@PatrickStrait You never know.

[Tommy Thompson @TommyTcomedy]

I can’t be the only one who thought the new Batman gave me feelings of “Seven”

[Tommy Thompson @TommyTcomedy]

Am I going to have to start driving with my eco boost on?? Is that the type of wet napkin world we are living in now.

[Tommy Thompson @TommyTcomedy]

Make sure you pour out all that Russian vodka you already paid for instead of selling drinks and donating the money from it.

[Tommy Thompson @TommyTcomedy]

I only jump on Twitter about one time per year. It’s really like screaming into the abyss.

[Mike O’Keefe (tuesdays @ lincoln lodge in chicago) @themikeokeefe]

This is every woman who’s ever been kicked out of a comedy club in Michigan.

[Pete Buttigieg @PeteButtigieg]

Did the President of the United States just instruct a white supremacist group to “stand by”?

[Tommy Thompson @TommyTcomedy]

So the VP debates decide this shit show??? #debates

[Tommy Thompson @TommyTcomedy]

You are the worst chicken sandwich this country has ever seen! - me to a gas station chicken sandwich while crying.
#Debate2020

[Tommy Thompson @TommyTcomedy]

Ok so next week bar trivia or darts? #debates

[Patton Oswalt @pattonoswalt]

Biden's prep coach for the next debate -- a screaming goat on PCP. #Debates2020

[Tommy Thompson @TommyTcomedy]

I turned off the debate to floss my teeth......TO FLOSS MY TEETH. #2020debate

[Tommy Thompson @TommyTcomedy]

Ok so Dr Pimple Popper! #debates

[Tommy Thompson @TommyTcomedy]

I can barely get myself to utter the words Kelly Ann Conway too.

[Tommy Thompson @TommyTcomedy]

I have never wanted a commercial before.

[Tommy Thompson @TommyTcomedy]

This thing gets shut down in 7 more min.

[Tommy Thompson @TommyTcomedy]

Even my dog is sad.