Tom Swifty Puns

(used to be) Daily! By @joshpowlison

[Tom Swifty Puns @tomswiftypuns]

@TheBeesMeme ...I like jazz.

[Tom Swifty Puns @tomswiftypuns]

"The bees are attracted to the #car's engine?!" Tom couldn't believe them. #notthebees

[Tom Swifty Puns @tomswiftypuns]

@TheBeesMeme Do you like jazz?

[Tom Swifty Puns @tomswiftypuns]

"I'M NOT A #PAPERBOY!!!!" Tom reamed her out. #puns

[Tom Swifty Puns @tomswiftypuns]

"I'm not sure whether I'd rather read #books or keep watching #movies..." In the end, Tom went with paper view.

[Tom Swifty Puns @tomswiftypuns]

"Tom, choose," he said as Tom ate a sandwich.

[Tom Swifty Puns @tomswiftypuns]

"I can't untie my own shoelaces!" Tom came undone. #shoes #puns

[Tom Swifty Puns @tomswiftypuns]

"I really want to agree to all of these statements about nervous habits, but..." Tom picked his no's carefully.

[Tom Swifty Puns @tomswiftypuns]

"I've never tried #acupuncture, but..." Tom took a stab at it.

[Tom Swifty Puns @tomswiftypuns]

"I think I'm buying too much real estate..." Tom had a complex, for sure. #realestate #puns

[Tom Swifty Puns @tomswiftypuns]

"My barber recommended liquor to get the look I'm going for," Tom spiked his hair. #puns

[Tom Swifty Puns @tomswiftypuns]

"Help, the machine is trying to eat me alive!!!" Tom got his rear in gear. #puns

[Tom Swifty Puns @tomswiftypuns]

"I'm great at #N64 shooters!" Tom put in another cartridge. #guns #gaming

[Tom Swifty Puns @tomswiftypuns]

"I think the next step is to put the wheels together," but Tom spoke too soon. #puns

[Tom Swifty Puns @tomswiftypuns]

"I think we should lay it all out," Tom gripped the plans tightly. #contradiction #puns

[Tom Swifty Puns @tomswiftypuns]

"Ugh, this hamburger meat is disgusting!" Tom chucked it. #food #puns

[Tom Swifty Puns @tomswiftypuns]

"I used to be a pilot," Tom explained.

[Tom Swifty Puns @tomswiftypuns]

"#Every #word #needs #number #signs!!!!" Tom hashed it out with his friend.

[Tom Swifty Puns @tomswiftypuns]

"Let's finish this experiment, then I have to go to the bathroom," Tom passed gas. #chemistry #puns

[Tom Swifty Puns @tomswiftypuns]

"What do you mean you don't know who that is at the Father-Daughter banquet right now?" Tom thought it was apparent. #family