Tori 🥞

my toddler cussed when he messed up the blessing at supper, so if that doesn’t describe us, idk what does

[Tori 🥞 @toridenny]

If you genuinely think that Victoria's Secret has the best bras ever, then you prolly got small titties because NO THEY DO NOT

[Tori 🥞 @toridenny]

Every time someone says
“You’re so smart. Why aren’t you a *insert career involving debate, grammar correction, or people snooping*?”
I’m gonna say
“omg thanks for offering to pay for my schooling, that’s so nice!!!”

Maybe they’ll stfu 🙃

[Tori 🥞 @toridenny]

@holmes_madi I really wish I was kidding lol That place makes me crazy!!

[Tori 🥞 @toridenny]

Living down the road from Cult of the Ozarks means having their student-stalking rent-a-cops follow me alllllll the way down Acacia Club to my house, because I just MIGHT be a student that’s *GASP* driving my own car after dark 😱 #HardAssU

[Tori 🥞 @toridenny]

y’all we are “TIREDDDDT” of flowy shirts looking like damn circus tent in the front!!!

[Tori 🥞 @toridenny]

Why was my toddler absolutely losing his shit in the floor today?

IT’S NOT SNOWING

[Tori 🥞 @toridenny]

idk if it’s the concentration camp attendees or kanakuk humans that have invaded sonic, but if you’re wondering how obnoxious they are, Grayson just said “UGH they are annoying. Mama make them shush”

and that’s coming from an obnoxious at all times TODDLER 🙄

[Tori 🥞 @toridenny]

How did I forget to tell literally anybody that, last weekend Justin & I were drinking in his living room for his birthday, & HE LET MY DRUNK ASS USE EYEBROW TINT ON HIS BEARD 😂😂😂

[Tori 🥞 @toridenny]

Learning all of the rules/differences between like 8 different insurance companies usually sucks.... then they send you presents. idk how they knew to send me legos for my kid & chocolate, but I’m not even mad 🤷🏼‍♀️

[Tori 🥞 @toridenny]

*me @ McDonald’s drive thru in Lebanon getting a coke for my drive back*
me: I’m sorry, I’m trying to find my wallet in this purse. The Tupperware with pie is getting in the way
window lady: Pie? Wait, aren’t you Justin’s girlfriend?*

*stares, nods, & drives away w/o coke*
🙃

[Tori 🥞 @toridenny]

The fact that my mom & boyfriend have each bought me a new pot/pan in the last couple of weeks tells me 2 things:
1) they like my cooking (yay)
2) they’re tryna make it harder for my dumbass to have excuses for eating out so often (not so yay)

[Tori 🥞 @toridenny]

that delusional man of mine said something about having enough kids to fill the infield one day... and after I expressed my definitive HELL NO, he offered to pay for a boob job/tummy tuck for damages incurred

... not gonna lie, this bitch considered it for a second 🤷🏼‍♀️

[Tori 🥞 @toridenny]

@DFrederiksenJr I don’t have much left, but I can make more!

[Tori 🥞 @toridenny]

Also, Justin is lucky af that I make double the gumbo, just so his pb&j makin ass can have food at home. I better get my tupperware back 🙄

[Tori 🥞 @toridenny]

Today I making gumbo for lunch while Justin and Grayson were playing with trucks, & let me tell y’all, it was a moment of pure happiness 🥰

[Tori 🥞 @toridenny]

Justin still hasn’t accepted that he’s not the kid at the park, & Gray doesn’t wanna be the one to crush his dreams 😂

[Tori 🥞 @toridenny]

@holmes_madi get on my level

[Tori 🥞 @toridenny]

i just successfully folded a fitted sheet on the first try AND I’VE NEVER FELT MORE ACCOMPLISHED

[Tori 🥞 @toridenny]

@holmes_madi no no you have the love and ring. Take the love and ring 😂

[Tori 🥞 @toridenny]

Tonight:
I got off of work at 6, got Gray, went to the grocery store, made supper, started laundry, fixed the chain & flapper thingy in a toilet, and super-glued a dinosaur leg back together.... PLEASE don’t think I have a man around to do things for me. I got this.

[Tori 🥞 @toridenny]

except the trash.... I 100% make Justin deal with taking the trash out.