Steve Carlsberg

My name is Steve Carlsberg. I have a fax machine. I am not a jerk.

[Steve Carlsberg @Totally_SteveC]

Twitter seems very keen on my existence

[Steve Carlsberg @Totally_SteveC]

Thank goodness the desert is handicap accessible for Janice's camping trip!

[Steve Carlsberg @Totally_SteveC]

-adds certified badass to résumé-

[Steve Carlsberg @Totally_SteveC]

My Carlos is the best.

[Steve Carlsberg @Totally_SteveC]

ARE YOU IMPRESSED BY MY IMPRESSIONS YET?

[Steve Carlsberg @Totally_SteveC]

I can't go get her from the store either because of this company picnic I'm at. I'm so tired of cupcakes.

[Steve Carlsberg @Totally_SteveC]

I forgot my step-daughter at the store. Please don't tell Cecil.

[Steve Carlsberg @Totally_SteveC]

I'm forming a support group for those who are personally victimized by Cecil Palmer but still want to be his friend.

[Steve Carlsberg @Totally_SteveC]

Are you guys thoroughly seduced by my voice yet?

[Steve Carlsberg @Totally_SteveC]

@CaptainAheb LIES AND SLANDER

[Steve Carlsberg @Totally_SteveC]

When you see Captain America, think of me. Steves are all inherently attractive. It's in our SteveNA (DNA for Steves)

[Steve Carlsberg @Totally_SteveC]

Why are you people still here. Get out of my fallout shelter

[Steve Carlsberg @Totally_SteveC]

I am so out of the loop. I blame Cecil. He hasn't mentioned me on his show in FOREVER.

[Steve Carlsberg @Totally_SteveC]

((GUESS WHO JUST SENT A FAX AT WORK))

[Steve Carlsberg @Totally_SteveC]

Yes. Yes I am

[Steve Carlsberg @Totally_SteveC]

The answer might surprise you.

[Steve Carlsberg @Totally_SteveC]

Should I be offended that so many people are amused that no one shows up to my parties?

[Steve Carlsberg @Totally_SteveC]

AIN'T NO PARTY LIKE A STEVE CARLSBERG PARTY CUZ AT A STEVE CARLSBERG PARTY nobody shows up

[Steve Carlsberg @Totally_SteveC]

I SO CARE WHAT CECIL HAS TO SAY!!! LET THE STORM RAGE OOOOOON!!!! No one reads my faxes anyway~

[Steve Carlsberg @Totally_SteveC]

Tonight's the night to prove to the world that Santa is a Government created spy device.