Total Mess

Clumsy, oblivious and just plain ridiculous.

[Stacey Theresa @staceygulick]

Trailer Park Crabs 🐚 Crabs: Julian, Ricky, Bubbles, & Cyrus. @trailerparkboys @MSmithBubbles @SWEARNET #trailerparkboys #hermitcrabs #Crabs #Cyrus #Tpb

[Total Mess @totalmessxpress]

Today at work a kid offered me $4 for a hug.Don't know if I'm more offended that they associate money with physical contact before Kindergarten or that my hug is only worth $4 #teacherproblems #kids #wheredotheylearnthesethings

[Total Mess @totalmessxpress]

Lucky enough to catch a rerun of 'The Gang Gives Frank an Intervention' on TV, now all I want to do is drink can wine & play nightcrawlers #fxx #itsalwayssunny #gailthesnail #salted

[Total Mess @totalmessxpress]

Advice from a preschooler: If you want to get married, just see a sad guy standing on the street and say "hey, you want to get married?" Then you'll get married. Sounds like a reality show to me... #Kids #MarriedAtFirstSight

[Total Mess @totalmessxpress]

Smashed my face off a table by my bed in a lame attempt to answer my phone when sleeping, sad part is, the black eye kind of just blends in with fatigue circles under my eyes #purplecoloredeye #clumsy #tired #dangerouscombination

[Total Mess @totalmessxpress]

Why I'm fun at a conference: coughing fits,saying inappropriate things louder than I think,bad timing on discreet exits that then become indiscreet #alwayshavingproblems

[Total Mess @totalmessxpress]

Yesterday was PJ day at work, it sounded good,until a kid pulled on my pant leg& I got unintentionally pantsed, luckily I was wearing a long shirt&got them back into place quickly #embarrassing

[Total Mess @totalmessxpress]

Dropped&shattered a microwave plate,dropped a bottle of soap& then a nap mat on a kid...at least no one was hurt during my #disasterhour at work today

[Total Mess @totalmessxpress]

Fell down the steps tonight& luckily only hurt my finger by smashing it into the wall,my foot only hurts because I dropped a large portable speaker on it 5 mins before the fall #Clumsy #280characters about a mess

[Total Mess @totalmessxpress]

Who knew pear trees were armed with stickers?Not me, that's why I got stuck to one today picking pears #pinheadinapeartree #destroyedscarf

[Total Mess @totalmessxpress]

It's-a-me, Mario! Not great, but probably the most successful attempt I had at artistically cutting fruit #pumpkincarving #supermario

[Total Mess @totalmessxpress]

Crossing a busy parking lot, my bag came open, papers blew everywhere& I spilled my coffee all over picking them up #walkingdisaster

[Total Mess @totalmessxpress]

What a crappy day. Today can just suck it. #vaguevent #cranky #ManicMonday

[Total Mess @totalmessxpress]

A pro for wearing glasses: it covers the swelling under my eye from smacking my face off a broom stick when sweeping #beyondclumsy

[Total Mess @totalmessxpress]

U ruined my clothes&make a mess wherever we go,I may knock u down,but ur always there to pick me up& that's why I like u #NationalCoffeeDay

[Total Mess @totalmessxpress]

Preach it Spano! I cross 1 thing off my to-do list& add 3 more everyday. I just don't have time to get it all done #ineedahugfromzackmorris

[Total Mess @totalmessxpress]

A kid asked if I was having a baby, I said no,so then he poked my boob& said well you're having one there #unflatteringshirt #crazykidtalk

[Total Mess @totalmessxpress]

Enjoying that @VH1 plays reruns of Cheaters on Sat mornings. Forgot how wild the show can be! #slutcatchers

[Total Mess @totalmessxpress]

Told dont open the car door,its broke. Forgot&busted out of it,then got coffee& spilled it all over when I got back in #luckytohavefriends

[Total Mess @totalmessxpress]

@lindame55ina Right,but I can't selfie well either.I should have taken a picture of the teller's 'this lady is an idiot' face and then laughing at/with me