jeniece stewart

Transparency is ... depending on the moment freeing, scary, happy, hell, etc... it is ENOUGH. Fearless and unapologetic brave, bold, black mother of 6. 🖤

[jeniece stewart @transparencyis]

She's wonderful.
She always was.
Some weren't paying attention.

#writerscommunity #ppd #motherhood

[jeniece stewart @transparencyis]

#somethingnew #mentalhealth #postpartum #ppd

[jeniece stewart @transparencyis]

Getting kids ready for school.

Me: I said to do one thing … put on your socks and shoes Raymond…

Him: that’s two things

[jeniece stewart @transparencyis]

Me and my baby girl!

[jeniece stewart @transparencyis]

Also, we made chicken salad together ! I don’t even like no damn chicken salad … Butttt she’s on this super healthy kick and if that’s what it takes for us to spend some QT together... I guess let’s get to it!

[jeniece stewart @transparencyis]

Jada (my 13 year old) just walked up and gave me a hug. I tried not to be overly excited and ruin the moment... so here I am sharing it w y’all. 😂🥰😩

[jeniece stewart @transparencyis]

I am enough, Jeniece.
I am enough, mom.
I am enough, wife.
I am enough, daughter.
I am enough, sister.
I am enough, friend.
I am enough, entrepreneur.

Whatever.
I've been blessed with grace.

I am always enough, in any space.
And
So are you.

[jeniece stewart @transparencyis]

Mid day ... I wrote

I am enough.

Even when I'm late.
Even when I'm tired.
Even when I forget.
Even when I'm disappointed.
Even with mistakes.

I am enough.

[jeniece stewart @transparencyis]

Unfortunately, being behind on one appointment through the day. Left me rushing for Jada's performance...

But God worked that out to. We didn't show up at call time, but we made it just in time!

[jeniece stewart @transparencyis]

Christian's neurology appointment. I had to bring the twins with me. Traffic sucked and everyone was hungry.

But it worked out. They gave us grace and worked us in.

[jeniece stewart @transparencyis]

March 6, 2020 - I was doubting myself and reason for existence.

I recall sitting in tears of the parking begging the doctors to let us be seen even though we were running ten minutes late.

[jeniece stewart @transparencyis]

I am not hiding.
I am not scared.
I am learning that motherhood doesn't hide the trauma.
I am learning love doesn't stop the triggers.
I am learning time doesn't erase abuse.
I am learning that Healing helps all those close to me.

I am not crazy. I am me.
And that's enough.

[jeniece stewart @transparencyis]

Enjoying a moment in time.
Enjoying the beautiful moments in our mind.

Are you there?
Are you really there?
Do you share?
Are you even aware?
You're present in a sense.
I mean your body is here.
But what part of you is given

What parts of you are living ?

[jeniece stewart @transparencyis]

But none of it is in your control.
Tomorrow is a wonderful illusion.
You aren't guaranteed that gift.
The audacity to think you can mosey around life ... with more tomorrow's to do what can be done today.

The fear of yesterday and fear
of tomorrow.

[jeniece stewart @transparencyis]

Like the me I hoped to be.
The me I dreamed of before.

I see my children.
I was reminded today to spread the love equally.
You have to be intentional in sharing love.
It's easy to create a false sense of security around that which you wish to control.

[jeniece stewart @transparencyis]

I wanna be the me before the trauma.
I wanna trust myself again.
I wanna stop doubting the one person I know in this world.
I wanna let the Shame go.
I wanna let the blame subside.
I wanna be more of me.
But then I wanna

I really wish I could remember me.

[jeniece stewart @transparencyis]

Now, I'm sitting in the car.
I'm crying shamefully.
Embarrassed and scared.
Here trying to accept the labels just attached to my name.

I'm in a custody battle w my ex and i feel I can't even be honest with myself.

I want to be but what does that mean.

What does this mean?

[jeniece stewart @transparencyis]

I was diagnosed today.
It is D day.
Used to be drinking day lol.
May 5th
Cinco de Mayo

-Severe depression
-Anxiety
-Bipolar
-PTSD

Is that really me?
Am I really those things?
I've been called crazy often ...
helll more often than not.
---
Mental Health is not crazy.

[jeniece stewart @transparencyis]

That's a crazy idea.
You have to be crazy to do that.
You do the craziest things.
You wild.
I love your craziness

What does it mean to be crazy
mentally deranged, especially as manifested in a wild or aggressive way, extremely enthusiastic.

Who am I ?

[jeniece stewart @transparencyis]

Heading to see a psychiatrist ...
I'm seeing a head doctor
What's that mean
Am I crazy

I've heard that for years

Sometimes people say it jokingly
But often I hear it sincerely
You're crazy girl...