Patrick O'Sullivan

Comedian. Formerly Dr. O'Sullivan on @DrKenABC and Johnny Unitas on @TheNeighborsABC. See me in @tellofilms “Christmas At The Ranch.”

[Patrick O'Sullivan @tricksully]

Water Weenies are so overlooked in American History. They were IT in their prime.

[Patrick O'Sullivan @tricksully]

I have no idea what my friends have been up to the last 20 years because they still email my AOL address from 2004

[Patrick O'Sullivan @tricksully]

The only thing that could make me feel better about the Super Bowl is buying that shirt Usher had with the painted on abs

[Patrick O'Sullivan @tricksully]

Sometimes I wonder if the people in my high school class underachieved because we literally had a song that told us to chill from 93 til infinity

[Patrick O'Sullivan @tricksully]

I'm glad this barista has mixologist ambition but I'm going to need him to stop asking people if they want their coffee "on the rocks."

[Patrick O'Sullivan @tricksully]

Starbucks barista wished me Happy Father’s Day. Helluva way to find out. Can we just bring back Maury?

[Patrick O'Sullivan @tricksully]

If I ever become an old man who goes to malls just to sit in massage chairs, you have permission to end me.

[Patrick O'Sullivan @tricksully]

In Los Angeles "deferred pay" means you "might" get that money if you run into that employer in the afterlife.

[Patrick O'Sullivan @tricksully]

I know my place in the dating world. I am Nordstrom Rack. But during December in L.A. - a lot of model dudes leave town and for one month - I am Nordstrom. But the clearance section. Somebody will buy me but return me in January - and then I will be sent back to Nordstrom Rack.

[Patrick O'Sullivan @tricksully]

The only way to actually see your friends in L.A. is to cast them in your "content."

[Patrick O'Sullivan @tricksully]

BONDS haters are quite JUDGE-mental, especially since he also passed AARON. #AaronJudge #wordplay

[Patrick O'Sullivan @tricksully]

#CobraKai has 386 storylines every episode and I’m here for ALL of them. 👏🏻

[Patrick O'Sullivan @tricksully]

Spending my Labor Day talking to a street food vendor and comparing how many times we cried watching “Street Food: USA.” I’m currently leading 3-2.

[Patrick O'Sullivan @tricksully]

Today at a coffee shop the barista yelled out that my order was "Booooring." and I've never respected a man so much in my life.

[Patrick O'Sullivan @tricksully]

Degree of difficulty:
Passing someone on an L.A. sidewalk > Winning Olympic Gold Medal

[Patrick O'Sullivan @tricksully]

Nobody over 6 feet tall works at any coffee shop because I run face first into the outdoor umbrellas at every one.

[Patrick O'Sullivan @tricksully]

If you at all think we are living some fast, glamorous life out here in Hollywood - just know I am spending my time reading articles like "The 8 Best Arthritis Gloves of 2022."

[Patrick O'Sullivan @tricksully]

Oh no. Here come the weather screenshots.

[Patrick O'Sullivan @tricksully]

I haven’t taken my AirPods out since March 2020.

[Patrick O'Sullivan @tricksully]

Everybody in L.A. is younger than me now so I think they’re going to kick me out soon.