Trigger Champion

[Trigger Champion @triggerchapman]

How to measure how boring a day is correctly. Count the number of times you've masturbated and multiply it by your a cunt.

[Trigger Champion @triggerchapman]

Wear dirty clothes, don't shower for a week, and deprive yourself of sleep. Girls love bad boys that don't make any effort. #SaveTheRhinos

[Trigger Champion @triggerchapman]

Dipping hands into boiling water is good for brain development.

[Trigger Champion @triggerchapman]

Tired of being picked on by your colleagues? No problem. Play a light-hearted trick on them by spiking their coffee with cocaine :)

[Trigger Champion @triggerchapman]

KFC hasn't run out of gravy if you have a gun.

[Trigger Champion @triggerchapman]

Be sure to make obnoxious comments to, stare begrudgingly at, and loudly insult the girl you like to win her heart for 2015! #YourWelcome

[Trigger Champion @triggerchapman]

Keep up your reputation amongst friends by starting fights with large, aggressive looking men on nights out.

[Trigger Champion @triggerchapman]

Got a new job? On your first day, show up late to assert your dominance over your new boss. #YouWontLookBack #WordsOfWisdom #GuruTrigger

[Trigger Champion @triggerchapman]

If dropping your phone ever causes it to malfunction, hit it hard with either your fist or any other hard object to fix it. #ItReallyWorks

[Trigger Champion @triggerchapman]

As I previously said, will follow anyone back who follows me unless sleeping, eating or taking a shit 😀 #folloback #follobackforfolloback

[Trigger Champion @triggerchapman]

I love lamp.

[Trigger Champion @triggerchapman]

This. #hungover

[Trigger Champion @triggerchapman]

Heading out for drinkies, bail money on top of the fridge.

[Trigger Champion @triggerchapman]

Can't remember the last time I didn't enjoy getting fucked up at christmas. #ilovebeer #christmas #fuckthepolice

[Trigger Champion @triggerchapman]

Dyslexic man walks into a bra.

[Trigger Champion @triggerchapman]

Will follow everyone that follows me back unless I'm eating, sleeping or taking a shit. #folloback #follobackforfolloback

[Trigger Champion @triggerchapman]

Apparently beer and I needed another catch up tonight. On a Sunday. At quarter to twelve at night. #YeahImNotWorkingTomorrow

[Trigger Champion @triggerchapman]

Just took a shit with the door open. #YOLO #DontFuckWithMe #SorryMum

[Trigger Champion @triggerchapman]

Just watched Don Jon. @italiaricci ... Hands down the hottest in the film. #YesPlease #MarryMe @DonJonMovie

[Trigger Champion @triggerchapman]

I hate it when dumb people use long words at the end of a sentence to make them sound more photosynthesis. #EnglishProblems #JokeOfTheDay