Tram

those may or may not be my nipples.

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Just had a beverage in which one of the ingredients was “LA vibes.” Now worrying that I just drank a spritz of cum.

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Wearing pants that show your cooch to the work holiday party seems like a great idea.

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@ZombiManos @fatguykarate I don’t even know what “any-huzzle” means and I refuse to look it up!!!

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How to react when a colleague repeatedly uses the word “coolio” in a professional setting…

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@fatguykarate Coolio coolio bo boolio banana fana fo foolio fee fi fo mo moolio, COOLIO! 🎶

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I wouldn’t cry if you put a slice of tomato and lettuce on my smash burger. Not a single tear.

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I’m a 40 year old Asian woman and just realized I’ve been spelling Pochacco incorrectly for my entire life. How embarrassing!!!

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@playazball I can’t say in case they see this! I can still deny and say it’s someone else I know with a dog and two goats!

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“Too allergic” to take their cat when moving, proceeds to get a dog, then now, two goats. #GarbageHumanBeing

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TFW someone adds Vietnamese accents to their name and likely doesn’t even know how to pronounce it with said accents… #SMDH

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I accidentally put my underwear on inside out and backwards today. Surprisingly comfortable!

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People who need a special tool to remove herbs from the stem, get the fuck outta here.

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How exactly should I pronounce the name of this company?

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Two types of people in the world. One that sits on their ass and tells you how cold it is, one that actually gets up and changes the thermostat.

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@playazball @brilliantshane Haha! Phil’s right. It’s not about Geddy.

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A system is only as good as the idiots maintaining it.

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I don’t need monthly group text updates of your grandchild. No one needs monthly updates of your grandchild. I don’t even need monthly updates about you. I don’t think there is anyone I need monthly updates about.

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@Costco Get your fucking life and bring back the goddamn combo pizza!

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SOMEONE, on the other hand is fucked up and doing his teeth DIRTY!

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I ALWAYS brush and floss, even when I’m fuuuuucked up. Don’t do your teeth dirty!

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They say to teach your kids the correct anatomical terms for their body parts, but what they don’t tell you is how unsettling it is to hear an almost two year old say “penis.”