becoming less reactive is a huge part of growth and decreasing stress. if you let everything get you worked up, you will damage your mind, body and spirit.
Your wife is not a guest in your family. Your family are guests in your marriage because your wife is the foundation of the family you are building. Anyone who disrespects her is disrespecting you and a man fails the moment he allows friends, family, other women or even his own children to mistreat his wife. If she has to defend herself against your family, you are forcing her to question whether you truly have her back in the moment she stops feeling protected, she stops feeling safe. And when a woman no longer feels safe, respected or prioritized in her marriage, she stopped seeing her husband as a protector.