amaya ⋆｡

• 28 - minors dni • relapsed anorexic tryna drag my ass into recovery again. cbmi 14. pro-recovery. empty spoonie 🥄

[amaya ⋆｡ @troymerl]

☾☆ edtwt intro post / moot hunt ☆☾

Amaya | 28 🇬🇧 | minors dni

• recently relapsed ana-r, pro-recovery
• also post abt depression, ME/CFS, cPTSD, grief & general yapping
• ♡︎ nature, music, poetry ♡︎
• looking for my spark, I lost it somewhere
• sweary

[amaya ⋆｡ @troymerl]

god I want a drink but we don't drink when we feel bad we don't drink when we feel bad we don't drink when we feel bad

[amaya ⋆｡ @troymerl]

like ik I'm an adult I have to take responsibility for my own health and make better decisions but seeing as I have the "make yourself sicker else you'll feel like you wanna die" disorder a little bit of fucking support to get there wouldn't go amiss

[amaya ⋆｡ @troymerl]

@Moren2266 literally like thanks for reminding me my existence is meaningless its bc all I can ever think about is food & my weight kinda why I'm here 😇😇😇😇

[amaya ⋆｡ @troymerl]

oh she also criticised me for having too much screen time like gfys I don't have the concentration to do much and I'm trying to keep myself distracted so I don't fucking kms 🫪

[amaya ⋆｡ @troymerl]

also my brain interpreted this as "you're a lazy fat fuck" so thanks for that

[amaya ⋆｡ @troymerl]

@skinnebo & what makes it worse is before I was referred to them I was having weekly support calls from the lighter touch service but that ended when I got referred bc my bmi got too low for them so I literally have LESS support than I'd been having before because I got worse lmaoooo

[amaya ⋆｡ @troymerl]

she asked why I'm not eating enough nd I said bc I want to lose weight and she asked why I want to lose weight when I'm underweight and WDYM WHY BC I HAVE ANOREXIA IG????

[amaya ⋆｡ @troymerl]

my head is fucked rn bc I have my appt at 10 & I'm meant to be working with this nurse on stabilisation but I'm currently in a foul mood bc I've maintained & idk how I'm supposed to sit there & talk about aiming for maintenance when I'm currently in a spin about maintaining 😵‍💫

[amaya ⋆｡ @troymerl]

@skinnebo like this is the thing right bc I was def more open to recovery when I had my assessment but that was over a MONTH ago now & I've had no support & they know I live alone with no support network what did they expect 😭😭 ty, it's just bizarre feel like I'm just wasting my time 🫠

[amaya ⋆｡ @troymerl]

the exact face I pulled btw

[amaya ⋆｡ @troymerl]

@thesnorkening starting to wonder if I was accidentally referred to the erectile dysfunction team instead of the eating disorder team bc you'd think these mfs have never come across an eating disorder in their LIFE

[amaya ⋆｡ @troymerl]

@thesnorkening I am DEEPLY PERPLEXED this is the same ed team that seemed surprised I was still losing weight when I told them I was still restricting like wtf are they on 😭😭😭

[amaya ⋆｡ @troymerl]

@skinnebo thank you lovely, needed to hear this 🥺❤️‍🩹

[amaya ⋆｡ @troymerl]

my head is fucked rn bc I have my appt at 10 & I'm meant to be working with this nurse on stabilisation but I'm currently in a foul mood bc I've maintained & idk how I'm supposed to sit there & talk about aiming for maintenance when I'm currently in a spin about maintaining 😵‍💫

[amaya ⋆｡ @troymerl]

just discharge me or put me in the bin or sthn

[amaya ⋆｡ @troymerl]

like dw ig bc im already maintaining bc I'm a fucking failure 🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂

[amaya ⋆｡ @troymerl]

@fadingladybug are those all self tats?? they cute af

[amaya ⋆｡ @troymerl]

@skinnebo OMG YES and I couldn't explain it to a non disordered person if I tried lmao

[amaya ⋆｡ @troymerl]

@Kittynomilk 😔🫂

[amaya ⋆｡ @troymerl]

imagine sitting on the toilet crying about how big your thighs look what kinda loser would do that hahahahahahaha (me)

[amaya ⋆｡ @troymerl]

@Kittynomilk agh fucking same I'm genuinely so angry lmao