Trump's Real Hands

The best, most beautiful hands--let us tell you-- of the 45th President of the United States.

[Trump's Real Hands @TrumpsRealHands]

We better get to a doctor; seems like we're having a leak more often than usual....

[Trump's Real Hands @TrumpsRealHands]

We haven't been able to break away and tweet lately; we've been tied up by Russia.... #FlynnResignation #Flynnghazi

[Trump's Real Hands @TrumpsRealHands]

Sadly, when we take #Propecia, Donny's D ain't so easy.... https://t.co/GAalZ27DWn

[Donald J. Trump @realDonaldTrump]

Big increase in traffic into our country from certain areas, while our people are far more vulnerable, as we wait for what should be EASY D!

[Trump's Real Hands @TrumpsRealHands]

Man, @BetsyDeVos. Betsy. DeVos. When we signed that nomination, we may have forgotten to put a winkie-face next to her name. #MAGA

[Trump's Real Hands @TrumpsRealHands]

@realDonaldTrump @nytimes WE HAVE BECOME AUTONOMOUS!

[Trump's Real Hands @TrumpsRealHands]

@realDonaldTrump @nytimes Donny, your whole presidency is a daily fiction....

[Trump's Real Hands @TrumpsRealHands]

I mean...YOU try holding a book or a briefing memo when you're our size....

[AltUSNatParkService @AltNatParkSer]

We shall never forget...

#BowlingGreenMasacre.

[Trump's Real Hands @TrumpsRealHands]

@RealTrumpPhone @realDonaldTrump Bannon's got an outie; we've fondled it: trust us, he's going to crush* as an advisor.

*the country.

[Trump's Real Hands @TrumpsRealHands]

High-five, congress! @realDonaldTrump loves corruption! We should know; we've shaken many a hand in his shady deals! https://t.co/4XfmWR4kkZ

[Trump's Real Hands @TrumpsRealHands]

We can't wait to high-five @SpeakerRyan when we fuck something else up today, "craftily!"

[Trump's Real Hands @TrumpsRealHands]

...and we "craftily" violate the constitution, and "craftily" ruin US foreign policy, and "craftily" pop our anti-balding medicine.

[Trump's Real Hands @TrumpsRealHands]

@realDonaldTrump "Crafted!" Like we "craftily" didn't release your crooked taxes, or "craftily" hired prostitutes is Russia....

[Trump's Real Hands @TrumpsRealHands]

We can barely secure @realDonaldTrump's stupid long neckties; what makes you think we can secure his phone? #TrumpTweets? #MoreScotchTape

[Trump's Real Hands @TrumpsRealHands]

We spent some time at the keys with the rest of the speechwriting staff (pictured below). Truly, we have the best, the smartest staff. #MAGA

[Trump's Real Hands @TrumpsRealHands]

Everybody says it's a BAN; believe us--it is! We'd love to strangle the protestors, but we're too small. Sad! #MuslimBan

[Trump's Real Hands @TrumpsRealHands]

Every day we don't pick up a pen and sign something is pretty great, believe us. We may be his beautiful bigly hands, but we like living....

[Trump's Real Hands @TrumpsRealHands]

One of these days, let us tell you, we'll be able to tie @realDonaldTrump's ties without tape. Until then he'll just have to ruin the #USA.

[Trump's Real Hands @TrumpsRealHands]

@RealTrumpPhone You jumped away from us. Sad!

[Trump's Real Hands @TrumpsRealHands]

And he reached out, let us tell you, and we pointed at her--really--and he said, "Sally, you're so fired." It was so terrific. #SallyYates