RealTrumpAndroid

I'm Donald Trump's Android phone. Help me!

[RealTrumpAndroid @RealTrumpPhone]

@FLOTUS has her iPhone auto text @realDonaldTrump "new phone who dis?" every time he texts her. #ivanttobealone #livinlavidalonely

[RealTrumpAndroid @RealTrumpPhone]

@kellyannconway still on the couch but now looking for Skittles in the cracks. The couchs', not hers.

[RealTrumpAndroid @RealTrumpPhone]

@realDonaldTrump trying to figure out who to throw to Comey. @seanspicer is looking sweatier than usual. #youknowhesgone #whossorrynow

[RealTrumpAndroid @RealTrumpPhone]

FYI: @POTUS thinks "newsfeed" on (as he calls it) "the Facebook" is actual news. So, yeah....."wiretapping"....
#BoycottMePlease

[RealTrumpAndroid @RealTrumpPhone]

@seanspicer response to Ryan plan: "I haven't gotten sick even once since he announced it." His phone sez "Wash your hands anyway." #sodirty

[RealTrumpAndroid @RealTrumpPhone]

@samlfife "Unwanted" doe not equal "untalented." Time and opportunity need to meet up.

[RealTrumpAndroid @RealTrumpPhone]

@POTUS likes Carson's "slaves were immigrants" so much he's declaring Japanese/American internees "hotel guests." #historicalperspective

[RealTrumpAndroid @RealTrumpPhone]

@POTUS sez Pence email scandal is "fake news." Thinks no one has an AOL email account anymore. #hesnotwrong #lockhimupforbeingold

[RealTrumpAndroid @RealTrumpPhone]

@POTUS is upset the Inauguration wasn't nominated for an Oscar. Sez more attended than saw ELLE and Inauguration wasn't in French. #oscarwtf

[RealTrumpAndroid @RealTrumpPhone]

You think @POTUS news conference was bad? You should see his Amazon wish list. There really aren't that many "Russian hooker" videos out.

[RealTrumpAndroid @RealTrumpPhone]

@POTUS used me to show @GenMikeFlynn utube clip of Fredo in the boat on the lake in Godfather II over and over and.... #youbrokemyheartfredo

[RealTrumpAndroid @RealTrumpPhone]

@seanspicer tried to upskirt @KellyAnnPolls. His phone screen froze (literally) then cracked. #dontgothere #cantunseethat

[RealTrumpAndroid @RealTrumpPhone]

Melania's iPhone says that the reason @POTUS keeps her in NYC is that while in D.C. she tried to scale the wall of Russian embassy. #persist

[RealTrumpAndroid @RealTrumpPhone]

@POTUS isn't taking defeat by 9th well. Tried to throw me against a wall. Fortunately I slipped through his tiny fingers into his pudding.

[Eric Holder @EricHolder]

Skill, judgment, courgage. VINDICATED. 3-0

[Hillary Clinton @HillaryClinton]

3-0

[RealTrumpAndroid @RealTrumpPhone]

@realDonaldTrump upset about name anagram of "Lord Dampnut" being shared. That's his Grindr handle. #outed #desenuts

[RealTrumpAndroid @RealTrumpPhone]

Help SAD! My SAD! Function SAD! Key SAD! Is SAD! Stuck SAD! On SAD! SAD! (SAD!) #hesonlygotonedescriptive

[RealTrumpAndroid @RealTrumpPhone]

@POTUS isn't really a terrible speller. It just takes two of his fingers to work each of my keys. #qednotsad

[Trump's Real Hands @TrumpsRealHands]

@RealTrumpPhone @realDonaldTrump Bannon's got an outie; we've fondled it: trust us, he's going to crush* as an advisor.

*the country.