TS Kummelman

Single dad, writer, and dabbler at the Art of Sarcasm

[TS Kummelman @tskummelman]

So is the name changing to “XXX” now? #x #xesandohs

[TS Kummelman @tskummelman]

See this Instagram photo by @tskummelman https://t.co/mQGtx8uf1w

[TS Kummelman @tskummelman]

All prepped for surgery yesterday to fix my evil bellybutton. The surgery team approved, although they refused to roll me around in a wheelbarrow despite me insisting that that's what @Cary_Elwes and @BillyCrystal would have wanted...

[TS Kummelman @tskummelman]

@NatashaCL7 That kept happening with ex-girlfriends, so I wrote a book about them. That got them out of my system--so far...

[TS Kummelman @tskummelman]

@hannahgorton97 @RRaeta @SenlisHasWings My book, Essence of Cariss!
https://t.co/eQ7iMDRZZ2

[TS Kummelman @tskummelman]

@robertjwolfmd Yep! Oh, wait...I'm divorced.

[TS Kummelman @tskummelman]

@jennieferwrites Essence of Cariss. One of my fantasy novels, free for Kindle unlimited. #selfpromo

[TS Kummelman @tskummelman]

@FrontRowFlynn One of the owners of the theater I work at went in and asked the librarian to order them. It's all about small town connections, dude.

[TS Kummelman @tskummelman]

Found out that my local library is now carrying my books! Wondering if I'll get any local fans or just mean looks from old church ladies... #writerslife #pleasejudgeme #essenceofcariss

[TS Kummelman @tskummelman]

My daughter turned 24 today and it's her first birthday as a mom and I just can't. #oldfart

[TS Kummelman @tskummelman]

@mkroghwriting An attorney.

[TS Kummelman @tskummelman]

@iamcardib You forgot the @BlackPumasMusic , best artists nominated by far.

[TS Kummelman @tskummelman]

So long, 2020. And do let the door smack you violently on your posterior as you go. Also, if you could take #MitchMcConnell with you, that'd be great. #2020sucked #HAPPYNEWYEAR #screw2020 #screwmcconnell

[TS Kummelman @tskummelman]

Dear Mitch McConnell:
Satan called, your room is ready. #MitchMcConnell #mitchsucks #COVID19 #goodjobkentuckyvoters

[TS Kummelman @tskummelman]

It can also be caused by herpes, but you can't get that by yourself...

[TS Kummelman @tskummelman]

I have parotitis, which is an infection in the saliva glands, that can be caused by COVID months later. The fact that I had The'Rona back in January doesn't concern me--what does is the antibiotics giving me EXPLOSIVE DIARRHEA. Like haven't I been through enough?! #2020sucks

[TS Kummelman @tskummelman]

The latest chapter in the Vagic Chronicles is live now on Amazon! Free if you've got Kindle Unlimited! And the more copies I sell, the less chance of me having to start my own OnlyFans page!!
https://t.co/eEccNbxJFW
#houseofcariss #essenceofcariss #writerslife #fantasy

[TS Kummelman @tskummelman]

Guaranteed, no matter who wins the #Election2020, tomorrow the other side is gonna be like "Well that's 2020 for you: total shitshow." #themayanswerewrong #Vote2020 #voteforpeace

[TS Kummelman @tskummelman]

@FrontRowFlynn It's more like a cautionary tale, mired in puberty and terrible humor.

[TS Kummelman @tskummelman]

Took me almost nine years, but yesterday I finished writing a memoir of when I was a single father. Now feeling odd and out of sorts--you know, like how I felt when I was a single parent... #writerslife #singleparents #stillwearingmommypants