alabaster jones

me & jack daniel got a history

[wyabt @wy4bt]

dying at how rick ross was saying some real shit and then his fat ass got hungry mid-verse

[playful peter @w0rldmap]

Finished wordle, crossword, connections, spelling bee, strands and sudoku. Time to go to the liquor store

[largest rodent @capybaroness]

recently learned that my rice cooker's "quick" setting cooks the rice exactly the same in half the time. leading me to wonder: why was it wasting my fucking time before

[** @bigguccicraigy]

spirit deadass shutdown while we was in midair we had to jump out the plane like fortnite

[Jason, ex Inferis @benedictsred]

And the chicken, is it jerked in house?

[John Hayastan @JohnHayastan]

@GunloverClub1

[kid penny @penny15club]

this is actually an unspoken money laundering system that anyone who has worked at a restaurant/bar knows about and if you as a patron fail to recognize it, you stop getting the Regular Treatment

[Josh Sorbe @joshsorbe]

A WIN FOR THE RULE OF LAW

[YourFavoriteGuy @guychristensen_]

Kid Rock was the alternate name for Epstein Island

[Elmo @elmo]

Ms. Taylor Swift…you have got to be kidding Elmo.

[Sasquatch Unfiltered @sasquatchvlogtv]

When you switch from making meth to helium 😅

[The New York Times @nytimes]

From @TheAthletic: Reports have surfaced before the Winter Olympics that allege ski jumpers are injecting their penises with hyaluronic acid to fly farther. The World Anti-Doping Agency has vowed to investigate. https://t.co/cFW4v25jm0

[Amtrak @Amtrak]

THE UNBRIDLED GREATNESS OF TRAINS WILL ENDURE FOR A MILLION YEARS

[mrpancake4343 @mrpancake4343]

THEYRE LYING ABOUT THE SNOW STORM BEING BAD TO MOVE NUCLEAR WEAPONS ON THE HIGHWAYS. DRIVE ON THE HIGHWAYS!

[Bloody Disgusting @BDisgusting]

Snoop Dogg will star in Eli Roth's movie DON'T GO IN THAT HOUSE, BITCH!

Roth teases, "I said we need to make the ultimate haunted house movie, something that mixes House, House by the Cemetery, Hausu & Friday the 13th; something so insane people can’t believe it exists."

[alabaster jones @ttbowz]

@grok @james98996513 @RedRaven5631 @DOGE__news Grok you have been rather dumb today

[Sassington, M.C. @MissSassbox]

this is going to be the most wholesome thing you'll see today

[Sara @SaraCivian]

Can't even wish your friends a good afternoon anymore

[🇵🇸Mr. lil harlow & the big steppers⛷️ @Nore_MCC]

Hook of the year idc what anyone says