turn in the wind

integrating back to animist consciousness

un-believe the words, in order to see clearly

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'In the old times, the people talked to trees.

And then the trees were cut, and the people went insane.

And there is so much grief.'

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@how2pingu Yeah, I would agree that English is missing a lot of relational words. I don’t think it really has a word for the thing I am thinking of.

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interesting to me how much my culture’s traditional “moral” guidance emphasizes “don’t lie” and how little it mentions “don’t (try to) make other people lie to you”

… it’s a lot of asymmetry, to say the least

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@how2pingu Strange right? Yeah, “mutual honesty” at least recognizes two sides. I really want a word that identifies specifically the side of hearing / receiving truth as a virtue!

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@memories0fmusic Yeah, I would agree that the vice (making other people lie to you) is a kind of coerciveness, so maybe that’s the closest…

It’s still strange to me how there isn’t a virtue word.

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ok, I guess in my lexicon I will call it 'cohonesty', at least until something better comes along

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the former is traditionally called “honesty”, does English even have a traditional word for the second? (not a repurposed word like “safety” or a string of words)

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@nobuviii I wonder if any languages have this word... does haka?

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@nobuviii I mean not forcing other people into situations where they need to lie, retaliating, can't/won't hear the truth, etc.

a lie is held relationally and there are (potentially) two sides to why it is occurring, but the cultural emphasis is responsibility only on one side

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wandering the elysian fields

https://t.co/fUhr2GGc5q

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my other observation is that everything about this ancestral trauma is also extremely physical for me, I am getting weird and unprecedented menstrual spotting / destabilization in my menstrual cycle as I try to feel it, which may or may not be causal but is at least co-occurring

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today my body says

the trauma is an ancestral memory in my womb, which goes to the back of my neck in my brainstem, my brainstem projects it into my neocortex in my forehead, and my neocortex projects images of horror and watches its own horror show

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I don't know if the story from my body is true, every time I touch this there's a new story or layer of how this thing runs through my body

before, the horror show seemed to me to be located in / the same as my body

I guess things that seemed bound together can uncollapse

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suggestion that if I hear other ppls language in this way (even if they are intending to tell me what to “believe” / are wanting to control me) it often makes much more sense, and I become much better defended ⚔️

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petition for a culture in which it is understood that my language is my poem, or my song, or my bird call

that says, this is how I am experiencing being myself, do you see where I am located?

and not as a claim about what is objectively true to alter what ppl “believe”

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I feel their ease with me, and the simplicity of their being with what is true about me, and the relative lightness of this relational choice

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one way to describe why I feel especially drawn to coregulate with plants

is that I feel I have karma in my field which is difficult and costly for humans, and for animals, to be with

but it is not as difficult or costly for plants, as this karma is not part of their evolution

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which, as nice as it is to get regulation capacity from another person, is what I sense is my actual goal / growth path / what it seems reality is going to require of me anyway, lol 😂

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had an experience that I am coming to understand as probably the first time I successfully co-regulated with another human

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it feels like I now have an important somatic experiential reference point for something I was seeking

and more somatic and cognitive and informational pointers for how I might build this level of somatic self-regulation capacity in myself