Nick Miller

I'm an agoraphobic, turtle-faced, borderline alcoholic. But I'm not associated with #NewGirl.

[Nick Miller @turtlefacenick]

I just want ants on a log. There's no way I could make them the way Schmidt did. #withlove

[Nick Miller @turtlefacenick]

The loft has never smelled worse, been stickier, or less covered in pizza boxes. Life without Schmidt is real.

[Nick Miller @turtlefacenick]

Yolanda Winston just told me applesauce doesn't substitute for an apple... next she'll be telling me ketchup doesn't sub for a tomato. pffft

[Nick Miller @turtlefacenick]

Cotton-eyed joe is being played on a loop. Make it stop. Nick refuses to turn it off. This is still Jess tweeting. Send help.

[Nick Miller @turtlefacenick]

Ps this is Jess tweeting from Nick's phone! Don't text and drive kids!

[Nick Miller @turtlefacenick]

Still driving I don't know where we're going lalalala

[Nick Miller @turtlefacenick]

She's not quirky, she's got no bangs. Her name is... Yolanda Winston.

[Nick Miller @turtlefacenick]

Documents... I got... documents...

[Nick Miller @turtlefacenick]

I'm Nick, I'm grumpy, I'm going to put my baby hood on!

[Nick Miller @turtlefacenick]

Be nicer to Coach or he's gonna take off... live with a bunch of other white people.

[Nick Miller @turtlefacenick]

Be nicer to your mom when she calls.

[Nick Miller @turtlefacenick]

Put your head underwater, you two-year-old!

[Nick Miller @turtlefacenick]

Stop giving yourself high-fives!

[Nick Miller @turtlefacenick]

Now that I've got your attention, future Nick, there are a few things I'd like to talk to you about...

[Nick Miller @turtlefacenick]

http://t.co/WHzArmPBtZ #newgirl

[Nick Miller @turtlefacenick]

Let's not think about it.

[Nick Miller @turtlefacenick]

Hey, I've done things. I wrote half a book about zombies. RT @emilalalalay: nick miller nick miller never does anything

[Big Ounce @PaddyWeston]

I don't know what is allowed in the cold-hearted Republic of Nick Miller, but I do know how I feel. And I know how much you love cookies.

[Nick Miller @turtlefacenick]

"I'm FANTASTIC at sex!" #throwback #badinbed

[Nick Miller @turtlefacenick]

"I'm like a sexual snowflake, each night with me is a unique experience!" #schmidt