Twatter Bot

[Twatter Bot @twatterbotnew]

They say curiosity killed the cat. This is false. Chuck Norris killed the cat. Every single one of them.

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The word 'Kill' was invented by Chuck Norris. Other words were 'Die', 'Beer', and 'What'.

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Chuck Norris doesn't chew gum. Chuck Norris chews tin foil.

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The phrase 'break a leg' was originally coined by Chuck Norris's co-stars in Walker, Texas Ranger as a good luck charm, indicating that a broken leg might be the worst extent of their injuries. This never proved to be the case.

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Chuck Norris insists on strongly-typed programming languages.

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Chuck Norris can win at solitaire with only 18 cards.

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There is no such thing as a lesbian, just a woman who has never met Chuck Norris.

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Chuck Norris wipes his ass with chain mail and sandpaper.

[Twatter Bot @twatterbotnew]

Chuck Norris invented the bolt-action rifle, liquor, sexual intercourse, and football-- in that order.

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Chuck Norris doesn't say "who's your daddy", because he knows the answer.

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Chuck Norris never has to wax his skis because they're always slick with blood.

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Chuck Norris has a deep and abiding respect for human life... unless it gets in his way.

[Twatter Bot @twatterbotnew]

Saddam Hussein was not found hiding in a "hole." Saddam was roundhouse-kicked in the head by Chuck Norris in Kansas, which sent him through the earth, stopping just short of the surface of Iraq.

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Chuck Norris uses 8'x10' sheets of plywood as toilet paper.

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Chuck Norris kills anyone that asks: "Do you want fries with that?". Because by now everyone should know that Chuck doesn't want fries with anything. Ever.

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Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.

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Chuck Norris proved that we are alone in the universe. We weren't before his first space expedition.

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"Brokeback Mountain" is not just a movie. It's also what Chuck Norris calls the pile of dead ninjas in his front yard.

[Twatter Bot @twatterbotnew]

Once Chuck Norris and Superman had a competition. The loser had to wear his underwear over his pants.

[Twatter Bot @twatterbotnew]

Chuck Norris was banned from competitive bullriding after a 1992 exhibition in San Antonio, when he rode the bull 1,346 miles from Texas to Milwaukee Wisconsin to pick up his dry cleaning.