Jon

Keep Frozen | Cook Thoroughly

[Jon @tweetbyjon]

If people remember me for one thing after I die, I hope it's this tweet

[Jon @tweetbyjon]

You have to be straddling an internet satellite cowboy style for Spotify to acknowledge that you're online

[Jon @tweetbyjon]

20) Not only do I not use an air fryer, I think less of you if you do

[Jon @tweetbyjon]

Starting a thread of my most controversial (and objectively worst) takes:

[Jon @tweetbyjon]

How impressed a viewer is vs. the complexity of a Rube Goldberg machine follows a bell curve.

Low complexity: Looks easy. Not impressed.

Mid complexity: Impressive.

High complexity: Must be easier than I thought. Not impressed.

[Jon @tweetbyjon]

@Nyanasaur Rules notwithstanding, this was spiritually a triple. It was premeditated and deliberate attempt at third base on a batted ball. Give him the cycle

[Jon @tweetbyjon]

@Qveen_Potato The White House did cite a study in which mice were ovariectomized and then treated with sex hormones.

The study aimed to isolate estrogen's effects on asthma and was scientifically legitimate.

But, just so we're armed with the best information, these were the "trans mice."

[Jon @tweetbyjon]

@andrewdefrank I just hope she follows through. The "we'll figure it out eventually" ethos of her platform worries me

[Jon @tweetbyjon]

@IndyJaws1 @Sterlin_26 And to think that some of you would complain that he didn't give the ball to a nearby child

[Jon @tweetbyjon]

@MLB https://t.co/fogqaNLlVX

[Sillyfella @sillyfella600]

Me going back in time to 2017 to kill the Wendy’s social media manager

[Warren Gunnels @GunnelsWarren]

If Bernie's 5% annual wealth tax on billionaires had been enacted in 2012, Elon Musk would be worth less than $365 billion instead of the $1.2 trillion that he's worth today.

Elon would still be the wealthiest man alive & every family in America would have universal childcare.

[Jon @tweetbyjon]

Some of you forget that it is an honest and noble pursuit to just hang out with your wife

[Jon @tweetbyjon]

It's less expensive to burn thousands of gallons of jet fuel to soar through the air than it is to take the train in this sad, backwards country

[Jon @tweetbyjon]

@molochofficial Got my holy grail pair at a Banana Republic outlet store on clearance. Haven't been able to replicate

[Jon @tweetbyjon]

@GentildonnaStan This is like an analog NFT

[Jon @tweetbyjon]

Costco ($COST) reported a 6.6% increase in same-store sales—investors still not satisfied.

The market's ethos of unrelenting, aggressive growth is unsustainable.

[Jon @tweetbyjon]

@PenguinSix @WashProbs Now paint it blue

[Jon @tweetbyjon]

@mattyglesias "JLG: Eh, we'll figure it out if we win"

(This is not an endorsement for McD)

[Jon @tweetbyjon]

@GoHebrewHammer @JacobRubashkin OpenTable pushes Founding Farmers so hard. Not if it's a paid boost or what, but if you go on OpenTable to browse, it's always there

[Lukas @lukasdrawsart]

the concept of someone born in the 1880s being a musical guest on SNL is insane

[Jon @tweetbyjon]

@chribdotnet By the minute rice, they often have boxed jambalaya mixes. Take a few minutes to chop up a pepper and sausage while the rice cooks, and you've got easy meal prep

[Jon @tweetbyjon]

@HopeSeck I will back anything with a public high jump pit