The Teacher

Kids do say the darndest things. So here I am to share them with the world.

[The Tonight Show @FallonTonight]

Tonight Show: At Home Edition is back with tonight’s episode featuring Thank You Notes & @JBALVIN! https://t.co/aQ91m7jFkR #FallonAtHome

[The Teacher @tweetofthetiny]

3: When you give graps a key, they could’ come in our house and Punch us.

I have so many questions...

[The Teacher @tweetofthetiny]

2 yr old: You know who have a big oval belly? You.

[The Teacher @tweetofthetiny]

This is clearly a...fishing pole?

[Dad and Buried @DadandBuried]

*walks in*
*finds wife sobbing in closet, clutching bottle of wine*

Me: What’s the matter? Kavanaugh?
Wife: *nods*
Me: I understand.
Wife: And also the children.
Me: Yes. Obviously.

*closes door*

[The Teacher @tweetofthetiny]

Last week I waited for my partner on the front steps for 2 hrs, because I forgot me keys. This week, I tried to boil an empty pot... for 20 minutes

[The Teacher @tweetofthetiny]

#rocketship or #phallus #preschoolart

[The Teacher @tweetofthetiny]

Police! Police! We’re under the sea! #preschool #quote

[The Teacher @tweetofthetiny]

Bacon is not my favorite color #preschool #quotes

[The Teacher @tweetofthetiny]

I like horses bones. #preschool #quotes

[The Teacher @tweetofthetiny]

Did you know that David Bowie steals babies? #labyrinth #preschool #quotes

[The Teacher @tweetofthetiny]

“Elsa’s Castle” #preschoolscience #Engineering #architecture

[The Teacher @tweetofthetiny]

#preschoolart

[The Teacher @tweetofthetiny]

You just merged your snot with mine and I did not appreciate that. #thingsteacherssay

[The Teacher @tweetofthetiny]

You're interesting because you cook and you go to school. It's kinda like you're a kid and an adult. You're a kid-ult!

[The Teacher @tweetofthetiny]

I gave the eawth to you. When I was a baby, I had the eawth. #preschool #socute

[The Teacher @tweetofthetiny]

4: makes frustrating grunt sound
Me: you okay?
4: yeah, I'm just dealing with myself #gladyougetit #prek

[The Teacher @tweetofthetiny]

4: Getting pee on people's hands is what I do for my job. #Prek

[The Teacher @tweetofthetiny]

4: *rubs quesadilla covered hands on my arm
Me: I'm going to have to take a shower
4: oil is good for your skin #cantargue #preschool