Mallory

Mostly bachelor/ette retweets and subtle life updates

[Mallory @twerknswerve]

Why do jobs ask you to write out your experience along with your education and cover letter and then have you also submit a resume. Just take my damn resume.

[Mallory @twerknswerve]

I remember all these girls who were so mean to me in high school (specifically senior year) and just know I still can’t stand you

[Mallory @twerknswerve]

When the song really speaks to you

[Mallory @twerknswerve]

@LexSmex Yes girl so true!!!!

[5hahem @shaTIRED]

Respectfully, please do not attempt to rekindle anything with me. It’s not beef, it’s closed. The door is closed.

[Mallory @twerknswerve]

Twitter favor: can I bring a UV lamp for gel medicures in a checked bag?

[Mallory @twerknswerve]

Id really like to know why chic fil a charges more for grilled chicken. Makes no sense

[Mallory @twerknswerve]

When someone writes “through the ups and downs” in their paragraph about their S/O you know there were a lot more downs than ups lol

[Brielle Biermann @BrielleZolciak]

we need a cure for hangovers and we need it fast

[Mallory @twerknswerve]

@Starbucks i ordered an ice coffee with milk topped with foam, not foam with a little black coffee 🤷‍♀️

[Mallory @twerknswerve]

The detectives on good girls are so dumb it makes me so annoyed

[Mallory @twerknswerve]

But also I think the goldbergs is the best out of all three

[Mallory @twerknswerve]

I feel like how I met your mother is a better version of friends

[Mallory @twerknswerve]

Am I the only one who buys pretty note books but doesn’t use them bc they are so pretty? Or I’ll use half and then save the other half because I’m sad it’s almost gone lol

[Tana Mongeau @tanamongeau]

i wonder where your dog thinks i went

[Mallory @twerknswerve]

I really love sending voicememos but I fucking hate how you can’t fast forward, when your phone locks it starts over and it deletes way too easily. Great idea but poor execution. Where is the update for this?!?!

[Mallory @twerknswerve]

I really cannot believe that people watch jerry springer