Ben Twining

[Karol Markowicz @karol]

I wonder about the new immigrants standing solemnly around Mamdani. What were they told about the event? Did they know he'd be trashing America? Were they told not to smile? There were no faces like that the day we were sworn in. Everyone was thrilled & relieved to be American.

[Ben Twining @twiningb]

@mattbramanti "Battle Hymn" ought to be higher. "He has loosed the fateful lightning/
Of His terrible swift sword" is unfathomably metal.

[Sherman McCoy @wasphyxiation]

> notorious womanizer despite being fat and bald
> retires at 42 as the richest man in the colonies by building a fortune on posting
> world-leading scientist in his SPARE TIME despite little formal education
> hired by the government during the revolution to schmooze people in France
> founded the future most powerful country on earth
> died at an old age universally admired

Reminder: Ben Franklin was the biggest baller of all time

[Dr. Richard Harambe @Richard_Harambe]

Adam Sandler: Taylor, do you take this man to be your husband

Rob Schneider from the crowd: YOU CAN DO IT

[British Embassy Washington @UKinUSA]

The greatest ex we ever had 😢

[Ben Twining @twiningb]

@BlueEightySix I can say with some authority that your mutuals have been to both those locations today. A swift recovery to the young lady.

[Ben Twining @twiningb]

@txiokatu Always be Americamaxxing in the vicinity of the Biergarten.

[tweets, but heroic @thethirtysixco]

bout to get day drunk at Disney’s Animal Kingdom in honor of the America that conceived this temple of capitalist utopia.

[Ben Twining @twiningb]

Good morning, America. Happy birthday. Welcome to your second quarter-millennium.

[Aelfred The Great @aelfred_D]

There is simply no other country that has ever existed that I would trade my birthright for.

Set aside your complaints, your critiques, your internet assembled bullshit philosophies. We are blessed. And I will not retreat and I will not apologize and I will not resent anything.

[Ingenuous Firebrand 🐆🇺🇸 @ING2Firebrand]

GIFT GUIDE FOR 250TH ANNIVERSARY

Traditional: Freedom

Modern: Freedom

[Urbanite @Urbanite107]

"... and then they killed Peanut. Our beloved Peanut. They killed him. The Radical left killed Peanut and they're not going to stop. That's when I quit my job at McDonald's. I said to myself 'my god they killed Peanut. These people are crazy. They're sick, and insane and they're not gonna stop'. So I quit my job at McDonald's and decided to run for President."

[Ingenuous Firebrand 🐆🇺🇸 @ING2Firebrand]

“Rosa DeLauro - the witch. She calls it Wiccan, but we all know. Low IQ. I kept her in Congress, so she sat in front of a cauldron and said a spell or something and I have 5 spirit animals now. It’s you two and a lion. They took out the gorilla and the squirrel. Stay alert.”

[Ingenuous Firebrand 🐆🇺🇸 @ING2Firebrand]

Ben Franklin didn’t plow through dozens and dozens of French whores so that you could abide by fireworks ordinances

[David Burge @iowahawkblog]

America is exceptional because the people who bitch about it the loudest refuse to leave

[Jarvis @jarvis_best]

This is literally what they teach in British Cop School

[Ben Twining @twiningb]

@thethirtysixco

[Ben Twining @twiningb]

@ingelramdecoucy Regret to inform: likelihood of Travis having any bloodstains to show the assembled crowd seems low.

[Ben Twining @twiningb]

@flapprdotnet You know, I saw that episode when it premiered, as an adult, and didn't notice that gag until two decades later.