Emmy

I'M THE ONLY ONE DANCIN' UP IN THIS PLACE

[Emmy @twistedgamine]

other people:

I have a masters degree and a partner and am in the process of buying a house and here are cute photos of my kids doing hilarious things!

me:

I can identify a Honda vehicle by the sound the horn makes when you lock it

[Emmy @twistedgamine]

@TIMGEARclothing I had a yellow that finally cracked from overuse, is there any chance I could get my hands on another one?

[Emmy @twistedgamine]

it’s extremely irritating when your therapist calls you out on shit and encourages stupid revelations and validates your feelings. like ma’am this hour is for me to desperately try to make you laugh, what are you doing

[Emmy @twistedgamine]

“I’M A CANASTA POWER BOTTOM” is a thing I just said and nobody was particularly comfortable with that statement but they also couldn’t refute it, so

[Emmy @twistedgamine]

I know that there are no truly new ideas so I’m just gonna pretend for a minute that I’m the first person to think of the portmanteau “jamirepoix”

[Emmy @twistedgamine]

I apologize for nothing, cuff me now

[Jay Jurden @JayJurden]

Well lesbians y’all have to answer for your crimes bc I just saw a WLW couple with a mason jar of pickles drinking the juice on the train

[Emmy @twistedgamine]

@mcmansionhell TRULY. and shoutout to the providers who understood enough when I said I NEEDED my old Paragard after it was removed. like these and my cats have been the most solid things in my life okay

[Emmy @twistedgamine]

@mcmansionhell since I low-key have to make everything about me, I loved my Paragards and just had my salpingectomy a week and some change ago. I don’t have it in me to do this dance anymore. I also know that even if stuff is less effed, I won’t be

[Emmy @twistedgamine]

@djs510 ahahah YOU’RE WELCOME

[Emmy @twistedgamine]

hello my name is Emily and all of my opinions are perfect and correct and I just watched this circa 2009 take on Land of the Lost and it is an absolute brilliant piece of cinema and if you disagree you are wrong

[Emmy @twistedgamine]

@djs510 I mean I just watched it for the first time and no foolin’, legit was impressed and entertained from start to finish so y’know what I say yes

[Emmy @twistedgamine]

to quote one of my jerk-ass friends, “you gonna go full lesbian, full Jackie O, or somewhere in between?”

[Jay Jurden @JayJurden]

There is a very specific breed of gay that is always dressed like they are coming from or headed to a kickball game

[Emmy @twistedgamine]

“a slow, erratic motion is expected to continue into Monday afternoon”

the latest on Idalia is extremely relatable

[Emmy @twistedgamine]

if you have any sort of mental illness, make sure you don’t ever get sexually assaulted or have your drink spiked. no one beside your mom, your therapist, or Olivia will ever believe you.

[Emmy @twistedgamine]

I dreamt I was hanging out with folks who were writing a queer musical or something and they were workshopping a song about backpacks and I was like “huh” and one dude said “yeah y’know, bisexuals and their little backpacks” and I couldn’t do anything but be like “…as you were”

[meredith 🍉 @dietz_meredith]

god i hate hating myself. Really makes me hate myself

[Emmy @twistedgamine]

it’s Taurus season, baby

https://t.co/KkOhqzDxrp

[Emmy @twistedgamine]

okay it is with a heavy heart I have to also agree and admit that this is absolutely sublime

[soul nate @MNateShyamalan]

have unfortunately discovered you can ask gpt4 to write you a rupi kaur poem and it does a really good job

[Emmy @twistedgamine]

my man Jeff Tweedy yet again.

“When talking through some of the songs that knock him out, Tweedy mentioned a couple of tunes that run the gamut of his musical taste, from Blondie’s sleek new wave sounds to wishing that he wrote ‘You Are My Sunshine’ because of how simple it is.”

[Emmy @twistedgamine]

@fscott24 BOOM

[Emmy @twistedgamine]

win, lose, or draw
this is my City