Melinda Reed

she/her/ crippling fomo

[Melinda Reed @twittweetbird]

@PicturesFoIder 8

[Melinda Reed @twittweetbird]

Hour into a date and realized my fly was down.

[Satan @s8n]

humanity W

[Melinda Reed @twittweetbird]

How much money y’all think I could make selling MRI pics of my butt?

[Melinda Reed @twittweetbird]

“You don’t have to indulge those who want to see you fail”
Costar might as well be naming names at this point

[Melinda Reed @twittweetbird]

Whoever is running the Denny’s ig keep it up you know ur audience

[Melinda Reed @twittweetbird]

Don’t invite me to church unless you’re ready for me to heckle the pastor

[Melinda Reed @twittweetbird]

@AmberlynWhite because no one is in my GODDAMN WAY MOVE IM NOT FINISHING ONE CHORE BEFORE I START THE NEXT GOTTA KEEP IT INTERESTING AND YOURE JUST AN OBSTACLE

[Melinda Reed @twittweetbird]

@ThePopTingz Even he would appreciate this headline lol

[Melinda Reed @twittweetbird]

Got some X-rays of my hips, why can I see my butt cheek in them?? Tech has gotten a little too good 🤨

[Melinda Reed @twittweetbird]

I was kinda trying to act like I didn’t get that drunk on my bday but just remembered that every time someone from the bar asked if it was my bday I was *surprised* like “how did they know? Cuz I’m w a lot of ppl? What gave it away?” Bitch wearing a sash that said “21st bday”

[Melinda Reed @twittweetbird]

@FilmUpdates Love socks w heels

[Hank Green @hankgreen]

This article kicks ass:
https://t.co/oJUymv7FqQ

[chrislintott @chrislintott]

Results just released from @NANOGrav and international partners show - for the first time - the signature of long-wavelength gravitational waves rippling through space. (1/n)

[Melinda Reed @twittweetbird]

*my sister recalling her first serious childhood asthma attack*
"Bro wtf get a grip like only pussies can't breath"

[Melinda Reed @twittweetbird]

I know it’s not grammar correct but I’d appreciate if we used the Spanish punctuation at the front of sentences so I know what energy level to start at

[Melinda Reed @twittweetbird]

My Dr: Does your necklace say “666”?
Me: ..yes it does
Dr: I knew there was a reason I liked you

[dftbaRachel.dftba.social @dftbaRachel]

h o l y s h i t just saw a tiktok that changed my life

interviewer: “can you explain this gap in your resume?”

you: “no i cannot, i signed an NDA”

😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱🤑

[Melinda Reed @twittweetbird]

@PopBase Too soon, toooooo mf soon

[Melinda Reed @twittweetbird]

Renaming “Avocados” to “Squash Fruit”