Dev

I’m just here for Jeremy Clarkson’s Twitter tbh

[Dev @two_bit__13]

Volcanoes are so epic to me because they can literally be silent for 500 years, and then all of a sudden they go “nah”

[Dev @two_bit__13]

iPhone: I’m gonna update your software tonight while you sleep.

iPhone in the morning: I couldn’t do it bro. Just didn’t feel right. The vibe was off.

[Dev @two_bit__13]

Trinkets are proof I’m good at finding joy in small things

[Dev @two_bit__13]

I don’t play about my nonverbal time

[Dev @two_bit__13]

Construction sites are so shy. lemme see

[Dev @two_bit__13]

I’m sorry but I will never back into a parking spot. that is just not who I am or what I’m about

[Dev @two_bit__13]

When people give me directions and say “you can’t miss it” buddy you have no idea what I’m capable of

[Dev @two_bit__13]

If I was getting eaten by a bear I would get a pet in real quick

[Dev @two_bit__13]

My knee just cracked so loudly that i half expect it to glow in the dark tonight

[Dev @two_bit__13]

Kinda embarrassing how iPhone apps shiver when you’re about to move them like damn it’s gonna be okay

[Dev @two_bit__13]

Listen to your body? The body craves a lethal amount of kinder bueno

[Dev @two_bit__13]

I go to sleep every night with all of my favorite items spread out around me like I am an ancient Egyptian resting in her tomb

[Dev @two_bit__13]

I open Pinterest every morning like it’s the news

[Jeremy Clarkson @JeremyClarkson]

If your A level results are disappointing, don’t worry. I got a C and two Us and here I am today, installing lights for a helicopter landing pad in my garden.

[Dev @two_bit__13]

Anxiety is so fucking embarrassing. Oh noooo what if something happens. Jesus christ

[Dev @two_bit__13]

All quiet on the frontal lobe

[Dev @two_bit__13]

I think I could survive truly horrific circumstances if I had a crush on someone there

[Dev @two_bit__13]

Third base is when I have a panic attack in front of you

[Dev @two_bit__13]

I hope our names are touching on the government watch list

[Dev @two_bit__13]

Starting a new show sucks. Who are these people