tmall_sitties

Addicted to sparking and Rogan

[tmall_sitties @two_eyedcyclops]

My quest for internet fame begins today.

[tmall_sitties @two_eyedcyclops]

Office is playing a house remix of cardigan’s lovefool I have such a strong sustain for start up culture

[tmall_sitties @two_eyedcyclops]

Had leftover per diem so bought a 16 ounce ribeye with onion peppers garlic butter mashed potatoes and gravy at the airport and now I’m violently shitting and my plane boards in 20 minutes I’m sorry united

[tmall_sitties @two_eyedcyclops]

When Kissinger meets Hitler in hell and explains what he did to Cambodia

[tmall_sitties @two_eyedcyclops]

Henry Kissinger when it comes to committing war crimes

[tmall_sitties @two_eyedcyclops]

An upside about alopecia that people rarely speak on is that you don’t need to wear a swim cap in the pool

[tmall_sitties @two_eyedcyclops]

Whippets and Disney animated films go together like peanut butter and jelly

[tmall_sitties @two_eyedcyclops]

I listen to LCD Soundsystem I am smarter and a better person than u and ur music taste is bad compared to mine it’s so good it’s not even funny ok?

[tmall_sitties @two_eyedcyclops]

The first time I took adderall I opened up a word doc and wrote a 40 page stream of consciousness and the next day I got a call from the school therapist they are tracking me and scared of the power contained in that little pill and my brain

[tmall_sitties @two_eyedcyclops]

Listening to Corinne Bailey ray at the gym because I’m a little fruit cake

[tmall_sitties @two_eyedcyclops]

@wydhuey Pulling up to family dinner fitted like this

[tmall_sitties @two_eyedcyclops]

Looking in the card aisle for something that eloquently expresses how sorry I am for clogging her toilet and jumping out the bathroom window

[tmall_sitties @two_eyedcyclops]

As an aspiring comedian it is a rough time to only have jew jokes at my disposal and ruined company happy hour

[tmall_sitties @two_eyedcyclops]

Sitting, sweating profusely in the sauna. The light is low and diaphanous. Entered an older man, donning a towel and no undergarments. He is bone thin and hot and I am hard

[tmall_sitties @two_eyedcyclops]

At the doctors I have a chronic case of that dog in me

[tmall_sitties @two_eyedcyclops]

Sodastream will do for soda what 3D printing did for assault rifles.

[tmall_sitties @two_eyedcyclops]

I’ve never seen a professional basketball player suck at layups more than RJ Barrett

[tmall_sitties @two_eyedcyclops]

I seriously, really and truly, cannot fucking believe that this is not butter

[tmall_sitties @two_eyedcyclops]

Day dreaming about flawlessly singing how to save a life in front of my entire middle school and I just got fucking chills

[tmall_sitties @two_eyedcyclops]

no the fuck he did not