still on break, but i want to share with you my analysis of tjyw and why their dynamic hit me this hard, to the point where i literally "struggle to get them out of my head".
before starting, i want to make it clear that im naturally drawn to enjoy dynamics like theirs (messy, turbulent, complicated ones) so im 100% aware of their toxicity, but i cant help falling for them anyway. and despite thinking that the narrative slaughtered them and that their execution during s3 (and half of s2) was questionable at best, their bond always remains the very core of ws for me.
this is a story about morally grey characters. men in love who make questionable choices, mistakes and take wrong paths. but being "morally grey" doesn't necessarily mean being evil. when a character is morally grey, it simply means they're human, with both their good sides and their worst ones.
this is a story about two poor orphans who had nothing but each other, in a world that was too cruel and too big for them. but at the same time, how could you explain what love is to someone who never really received anything from life in the first place or who lost everything when he was little?
shin youngwoo is an avoidant because of his childhood trauma. extrovert but cold, prideful, terrified of becoming just like his negligent mother. a man so afraid of love that he constantly runs away from it whenever he gets the chance, while desperately craving it to the point of enduring almost anything. a reckless man who doesn't really think before acting and doesn't communicate at all, but who is also incredibly smart and sharp. someone who constantly "tests" his best friend's obsession with him, trying to see whether taejoon will choose him or not, while claiming to be his priority despite never once admitting the truth about his own feelings in 20 years. he's kind, polite and careful, but also extremely selfish at the same time. he's aware that he's ruining his best friend's life and he feels guilty about it, but he still chooses to indulge his selfish desire to stay with him because his love his bigger than his guilt. a man who, before loving anyone else, should have learned how to love himself first.
oh taejoon has abandonment anxiety issues because of his childhood trauma. he's introverted, closed, smart, sensitive and naturally driven to lead, but extremely insecure and scared at the same time. a fool, youngwoo used to think. well, he actually was a fool for believing he could have both youngwoo and the gang at the same time. a man shaped by regrets, terrible mistakes and wrong choices. a man who loved so deeply that he used everything within his power to keep his best friend by his side, painfully aware of his own mistakes and selfish desires. but once again, his love is bigger than his guilt.
a man so scared of losing his best friend that he deliberately ignored youngwoo's needs and desires. a man who, before living for anyone else, should have learned how to live by himself first.
this is a story about two men who desperately wanted to reach each other but had nothing in their hands with which to do it. one man simply wanted to live a quiet, ordinary life. the other used to believe that power and money could make him someone and protect him and youngwoo. a story about two men whom the world tried to tear apart over and over again, but never quite managed to.
a story about two men to whom life gave nothing but each other. they are both good people, but the problem was that the world around them wasn't.
and a world like that can turn you into a monster.
shin youngwoo is the bravest man in this story. he realized how this was going to destroy both him and his best friend and took a step back before it was too late. endured, but saw the best and the worst of the man he loves, as much as taejoon saw the best and the worst of him. their love is raw, messy, complicated. definitely toxic, and far too complex to be defined by codependency alone. but still... is love.