𝓛𝓲𝓵 𝓑𝓸𝓸𝓹𝓲𝓮

Your neighborhood Herpetologist SC@Tyematt

[𝓛𝓲𝓵 𝓑𝓸𝓸𝓹𝓲𝓮 @tye_matt]

The vape store lady has been calling me “Tod” for the past year and I’m too awkward to correct her

[𝓛𝓲𝓵 𝓑𝓸𝓸𝓹𝓲𝓮 @tye_matt]

Cutting off the hand that feeds me

[𝓛𝓲𝓵 𝓑𝓸𝓸𝓹𝓲𝓮 @tye_matt]

I remember it all.

[𝓛𝓲𝓵 𝓑𝓸𝓸𝓹𝓲𝓮 @tye_matt]

Girls are violent

[𝓛𝓲𝓵 𝓑𝓸𝓸𝓹𝓲𝓮 @tye_matt]

Whip it up like Benihana

[𝓛𝓲𝓵 𝓑𝓸𝓸𝓹𝓲𝓮 @tye_matt]

I graduate college on Monday! SUCK IT

[𝓛𝓲𝓵 𝓑𝓸𝓸𝓹𝓲𝓮 @tye_matt]

@sarabethxv But u look so pretty in this one! This is a good one :)

[𝓛𝓲𝓵 𝓑𝓸𝓸𝓹𝓲𝓮 @tye_matt]

Trump look like the type of guy that sticks his hands in his pants and then sniffs his fingers to see what it smells like

[𝓛𝓲𝓵 𝓑𝓸𝓸𝓹𝓲𝓮 @tye_matt]

Luv me girlfriend

[Historic Vids @historyinmemes]

One of the funniest clips in live news history

[𝓛𝓲𝓵 𝓑𝓸𝓸𝓹𝓲𝓮 @tye_matt]

How a cop gonna look you in the eyes and say “have a nice day” after they give you a ticket lmaoooooo

[𝓛𝓲𝓵 𝓑𝓸𝓸𝓹𝓲𝓮 @tye_matt]

Let’s get high and ride down Fairfax

[Beto O'Rourke @BetoORourke]

Abbott is the inflation governor.

—Property taxes are UP 40% since he took office

—Electricity bills are UP $45/month thanks to his grid failure

—Internet costs are UP across rural Texas after he vetoed broadband support

—Phone bills are UP 625% to an “unprecedented” level

[Beto O'Rourke @BetoORourke]

When I’m governor, we will finally legalize marijuana in Texas and expunge the records of those arrested for marijuana possession.

[𝓛𝓲𝓵 𝓑𝓸𝓸𝓹𝓲𝓮 @tye_matt]

You running I know you hate to be second

[𝓛𝓲𝓵 𝓑𝓸𝓸𝓹𝓲𝓮 @tye_matt]

Permanent decisions off of temporary emotions

[𝓛𝓲𝓵 𝓑𝓸𝓸𝓹𝓲𝓮 @tye_matt]

Imperial bastards! Go back to storm wind!

[𝓛𝓲𝓵 𝓑𝓸𝓸𝓹𝓲𝓮 @tye_matt]

When ur girlfriends mom sends you gifts on Pokémon GO>>>>

[𝓛𝓲𝓵 𝓑𝓸𝓸𝓹𝓲𝓮 @tye_matt]

Which Caesar made the salad

[𝓛𝓲𝓵 𝓑𝓸𝓸𝓹𝓲𝓮 @tye_matt]

Animal Crossing puts me in my happy place