Try The Veal

Quality snark since 1962

[Try The Veal @TylerLinkin]

my dog is performing a magic trick

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My doctor is so young, he takes Wednesday's off to play miniature golf.

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@octopuscaveman I texted you my friend.

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@robwipond kudos on your book

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I ate 62 hot dogs today. I wasn't in an eating contest I was stoned.

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My wife is cheating on me. She 3D printed a pool boy.

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I'm a big thinker but I live in a tiny house.

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ice cream trucks are meals on wheels for stoners

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@RojasTalent and I thought no one was reading my tweets

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I'm not saying my dad is old but I called to wish him Happy Father's Day and I got a busy signal.

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Taking down my indictment decorations.

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My doctor told me to quit smoking weed. I thought about it and realized that after 25 plus years I should find a new doctor.

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Putting up my indictment decorations

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@ProSummarizer just part. wallet

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@Bob_Heller chunky

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in case of emergency your pope can be used as a flotation device

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the Chinese spy balloon lucky numbers are 4 11 3 22 8 65

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@GrantTanaka I’ve had BPPV a few times and it’s the worst. The Epley maneuver does help move crystals back in their proper canal but then it takes time for the brain to readjust. You’ll feel lightheaded while this process plays out. Vertigo stopped me in my tracks it’s no joke. Best to you

[Try The Veal @TylerLinkin]

I'll cook Thanksgiving dinner OR pick you up at the airport. But not both.

[Simple Jack Capital👨‍🦯📉 @SimpleJackCap]

Fellas, if she has ‘Realtor 🏡’ in her bio she’s 50bps away from starting an OnlyFans

[Try The Veal @TylerLinkin]

“Your order is on the way.”
No it’s not, you printed a label.