ufml

An advice column for the information age. Helping you un-f your life one debacle at a time.

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Have a pregnancy scare? well if you aren't pregnant you will never have to have the "I don't like condoms" conversation again

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Burn yourself cooking?...chicks dig scars...and cooks...this is nothing but upside

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get stood up for a date? well a hooker is probably cheaper than what you would drop on dinner and drinks anyway

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"Alcoholic" is just another name for "life of the party"

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can't stop smoking? Breathing is over rated anyway.

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keep nodding off during class? start a rumor that you are a heroin addict...they'll all feel too awkward to interrupt your mid math nap

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are you a bar tender forced to serve an alcoholic? can't change till you hit bottom, so help him hit bottom one huge tip at a time...

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get trapped by an intervention? hey, free hugs...also rehab is filled with interesting people and stories

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cat shedding everywhere? ...you probably needed a vacuum cleaner anyway you dirty bastard

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lose your bus fare/metro card? maybe a homeless guy found it and now he can pleasure himself in the company of commuters...good deed...check

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don't remember who the person in bed next to you is? maybe they don't either how many ppl get a second chance to make a first impression?

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got a crazy roommate? it's cheaper than paying for cable...and if you have a video camera it's like having tivo

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Cat crap on your bed? look at it this way...it's the only gift they have to give.

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catch your girl cheating? well you were there first so as you are leaving make sure to ask the new guy how you taste

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Stop being the door mat and start being the door

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Car broke down? Think of all the cardio you'll get...now you dont have to feel so bad about letting that gym membership expire

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shit rolls down hill so remember you didn't lose a promotion, you just gained a human shield

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Dumped by your bf? cry for a day, go to the spa and treat yourself better than he treated you

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You did NOT just lose you're job...you were presented with a "career changing opportunity".

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Just got dumped by your gf? Spend a day grieving another at a strip club and enjoy all the things you couldn't while you were tied down.