Ulysses Wilhelm

My name is Ulysses Wilhelm, and I'm the Ultimate Historian. Please make note of that for future reference.

[Ulysses Wilhelm @ulthistorian]

I have found a frog in my mouth.

[Ulysses Wilhelm @ulthistorian]

Rate me from 1-10!

Please ignore the skull. I do not know how to remove it.

[Ulysses Wilhelm @ulthistorian]

Have you ever seen a woman so beautiful you started crying? I know it sounds weird but once I saw

[Project: Eden's Garden @ProjEdensGarden]

Nothing can ruin her night, not even the paparazzi tailing her on the way to have a simple dinner with her secretary... Though, they are pretty irritating. No, seriously, can a lady not have some privacy on her birthday?

#EdensGardenGame

[Ulysses Wilhelm @ulthistorian]

Happy birthday Wenona! Please shoot me in the face.

[Ulysses Wilhelm @ulthistorian]

You are a minor who knows nothing about the world. You are the ugly one here. I can make YOU shut up but I suggest you one thing. You don't want to deal with a devil like me.

[Ulysses Wilhelm @ulthistorian]

Dear god! I wanted to find a specific video I saw on this website so I googled "X videos"! Those were NOT the videos I was looking for! #staysafe

[Ulysses Wilhelm @ulthistorian]

Yes, I threw the rock but that part's irrelevant.

[Ulysses Wilhelm @ulthistorian]

My mother's friend was one of the nicest people to me growing up. She used to sneak me candy when my mother wasn't watching and give me money for my hobbies behind her back. Sometimes I think about her and how she died without knowing I buried her missing son in their backyard.

[Ulysses Wilhelm @ulthistorian]

My goodness. I should make it clear he got hit by a rock and died.

[Ulysses Wilhelm @ulthistorian]

Hey! That's me! Please do not use my likeness in your tweets!

Thank you.

[Cobra @krookodilin]

jumping on the bed

[Ulysses Wilhelm @ulthistorian]

I've been sent this lovely fanart of me from a fan on his deathbed. It moved me to tears.

[Ulysses Wilhelm @ulthistorian]

@gracemadisons You Want Me Dead.

[Ulysses Wilhelm @ulthistorian]

@gracemadisons

[Ulysses Wilhelm @ulthistorian]

Hello!

Please don't send me this! I do not need "fans", I already have AC!

The thought is appreciated though!

[Ulysses Wilhelm @ulthistorian]

I too am a little blob. Or so my mother used to say. I think she was insulting me actually.

[Ulysses Wilhelm @ulthistorian]

I have a prescription of -7 in both eyes. The world is a little blob.

[Ulysses Wilhelm @ulthistorian]

#newlook

[Ulysses Wilhelm @ulthistorian]

Me when I stub my toe.

[Ulysses Wilhelm @ulthistorian]

@mayhem_berskii I don't see any vents in sight. You might be going insane.

[Ulysses Wilhelm @ulthistorian]

Attention, everyone!

It has come to my attention that people are saying I'm "chopped". The only things I have ever chopped were vegetables. I do not kill and chop people up!

Do not believe everything you read online. Thank you.