10sorry10

paranoid, severe PTSD, isolated

[10sorry10 @umbilicalist]

It feels really good to lose

[10sorry10 @umbilicalist]

Im a bit sad because I haven’t been in the mood at all and I just want to be abused and hurt, it makes me feel really good to be desired in such a way to be ruthlessly torn apart and made for someone else’s pleasure. Doesn’t matter how gross it gets, or painful. Or how much I cry

[10sorry10 @umbilicalist]

I want to be satisfied… but even then, I know I can’t take what I used to be able to handle nowadays.
I just cried really hard when he hit me, normally I loved it enough to take it for a long time. I don’t know what I want

[10sorry10 @umbilicalist]

These little things make me want to rip him apart. good thing he’s into that I guess

[10sorry10 @umbilicalist]

sometimes I also just feel jealous when he talks about like… characters he finds attractive lol. Feels a bit awkward, I’m not the most womanly at all but I can tell he likes girlish types. Why am I becoming like this… I wish I could go back to not caring but

[10sorry10 @umbilicalist]

I just want to slice up my body

[10sorry10 @umbilicalist]

Lately I’ve been feeling really jealous because he keeps bringing up an ex friend certain things happened with. Like, excessively…. Inknow it’s his only example, but still. Stop talking about them please 😁

[10sorry10 @umbilicalist]

sometimes I getbgrossed when I’m touched. But still, I want to have him look at me only

[10sorry10 @umbilicalist]

My body is nice but it still is eating away at me that it’s not matching to what I’m supposed to be.

[10sorry10 @umbilicalist]

honestly if he ever dies I’ll just wither away too. I couldn’t keep living, I don’t know if I’ll tell him this

[10sorry10 @umbilicalist]

the past year was rough, but I’m with someone who loves me. Which is nice, it’s nice to feel loved.
I have been having bad memories again, i always forget how bad it was until it comes up. So I keep having sleep disturbances

[10sorry10 @umbilicalist]

I also just think about all of the past times I’ve tried to reach for medical help, they’d always jump to put me on anxiety or depression meds without further investigation
Im not very depressed, I want to do things. I have PTSD, but im not hopeless

[10sorry10 @umbilicalist]

often I think about all of my failed attempts at trying to get better, whether it be my own self sabotage or just my own circumstance working against me. When its circumstances I feel totally helpless

[10sorry10 @umbilicalist]

I’ve always wanted to experience the world, I remember in high school feeling left out from my peers because I’d never travelled before. We don’t have money to, so I tried to join the travel club but they turned me away in favour of other students

[Maegae @silenimg]

(oc)

[10sorry10 @umbilicalist]

Self har mhas always been so strange for me since it's not usually done out of usual reasonings behind it idk to release poison or ground myself. Or....... l thinkit helps me match what im supposed to look like
it too
im decaying ..... dossnt it match if i smell and look it too

[10sorry10 @umbilicalist]

im muscular now

[10sorry10 @umbilicalist]

Im so tired of this