Dad Bod Squad

He’s a 7, but he falls in love with funny women on Twitter far too often.

[Dad Bod Squad @UMildly]

I’m 42 and haven’t felt this good about myself in over a decade. Say what you like, but I will be taking n00des and being h0rny until my body stops.

[Dad Bod Squad @UMildly]

Growing old gracefully is accepting you’re more of a step Daddy than a step brother.

[Dad Bod Squad @UMildly]

@savannahelisse Keep going.

[Dad Bod Squad @UMildly]

Literally this.

[Noelle✨ @maybeimabelle]

This year has been an obstacle course designed by satan himself

[Dad Bod Squad @UMildly]

@amor_fatti 3. Work hard at something you care about. Making progress in your career during your twenties will set you up for success in later decades.
4. Marry someone you can communicate with and laugh with. Things will get hard, if you can’t talk it out, you’re screwed.

[Dad Bod Squad @UMildly]

@amor_fatti 1. Start investing early, the miracle of compound interest is best leveraged over time, and your future self will thank you.
2. Your body won’t always look the way it does now. Diet trumps exercise, but exercise is the greatest form of self love - take care of both.

[Dad Bod Squad @UMildly]

@leafsnlifts

[Dad Bod Squad @UMildly]

Fixed it

[Dad Bod Squad @UMildly]

Sometimes I feel like I’m one sneeze away from paralysis.

[Just a girl @dammit_amy]

One minute you’re 23 trying out the best hangover cures and the next you’re 45 researching orthopedic pillows because you threw your back out sleeping wrong.

[Dad Bod Squad @UMildly]

Looking for a lady who’ll do this every time I test her patience.

[Dad Bod Squad @UMildly]

Jet lag is killing me rn.

[The Ginger Swindler @lilydsmith]

stay asleep challenge: level impossible.

[Dad Bod Squad @UMildly]

Taking the replies from this post and putting them in a spreadsheet to find the mean, median, and mode for my stats 101 class project.

[Dad Bod Squad @UMildly]

The worst thing about being jet lagged is waking up at 3am and trying to decide whether to try to go back to sleep, get up and start my day, or jerk off.

[☃️SnowBelle☃️ @SnowBellesHell]

why are men with grey hair and beards so damn hot?

[Dad Bod Squad @UMildly]

@maybeimabelle What do I need to do to make this happen?!

[Dad Bod Squad @UMildly]

I thought this was a very niche fantasy of mine. Thrilled to see someone pose this question on the TL!

[Noelle✨ @maybeimabelle]

Can I shave your balls for you

[Dad Bod Squad @UMildly]

It’s at times like these that I fantasize about writing and narrating original erotic fiction.

[Dad Bod Squad @UMildly]

Same. I’m currently jet-lagged, post ejaculation, listening to erotica, and falling in love with girls on Twitter.

[Noelle✨ @maybeimabelle]

@mollydixx I am feral tonight

[Dad Bod Squad @UMildly]

My deepest fear is that someone tweets this after every exercise class I go to.

[Dad Bod Squad @UMildly]

Me after fucking up for the eleventeen-hundredth time at work, and that one bitch rolls their eyes!