UnclePhilTweets

You probably recognize me from my role as “Concert-goer” in the Simon and Garfunkel Central Park video.

[UnclePhilTweets @unclephiltweets]

I don’t start my Christmas shopping until the Virgin Mary’s water breaks.

[UnclePhilTweets @unclephiltweets]

@Adora2000 Will the service be open compact? (I’ll see myself out.)

[UnclePhilTweets @unclephiltweets]

100 points if you know where this happens.

[UnclePhilTweets @unclephiltweets]

@PatMcAfeeShow Overserved?

[UnclePhilTweets @unclephiltweets]

@darthrainey @maggiewestrum Than

[UnclePhilTweets @unclephiltweets]

100 points if you know where this happens.

[UnclePhilTweets @unclephiltweets]

@sodamncoolsmom @omaha_scanner I offered to buy beer for visitors but no one has taken me up on the offer.

[UnclePhilTweets @unclephiltweets]

@SantoFFera @Oceanbreeze473 Everybody go home. We have a winner.

[UnclePhilTweets @unclephiltweets]

@luiscalleo Blue Sky - Alaman Bros.

[UnclePhilTweets @unclephiltweets]

@cheygoulet Good morning.

[UnclePhilTweets @unclephiltweets]

@tulobh @iGreenGod Central air conditioning.

[UnclePhilTweets @unclephiltweets]

@JoeFleeTheCCP It’s part of a trilogy. Next: Murder at Yankee Candle

[UnclePhilTweets @unclephiltweets]

Short play

Murder at the Lake

Setting: a cabin beside a lake. John and Mary, husband and wife, are having breakfast when they hear a gunshot outside. They look out the window.

JOHN
Some guy got shot.

MARY
Is he dead?

JOHN
Could be.

MARY
It’s this lake. It’s cursed.

JOHN
Yep.

CURTAIN

[UnclePhilTweets @unclephiltweets]

If I promise not to judge you it’s because I’ve already judged you.

[UnclePhilTweets @unclephiltweets]

Short play

Murder at the Lake

Setting: a cabin beside a lake. John and Mary, husband and wife, are having breakfast when they hear a gunshot outside. They look out the window.

JOHN
Some guy got shot.

MARY
Is he dead?

JOHN
Could be.

MARY
It’s this lake. It’s cursed.

JOHN
Yep.

CURTAIN

[UnclePhilTweets @unclephiltweets]

Verily I say unto thee, that this night before the cock crows, you will ignore three of my tweets. (This is #1.)

[UnclePhilTweets @unclephiltweets]

@CaitlinPacific Pliny the Younger continues to be disrespected.

[UnclePhilTweets @unclephiltweets]

@calidaysay @Marcmywords2 Brilliant.

[UnclePhilTweets @unclephiltweets]

@nypost This should move the markets.

[UnclePhilTweets @unclephiltweets]

Ssshhhh…don’t tell Iran. https://t.co/kGyLglYba2

[UnclePhilTweets @unclephiltweets]

Richard Simmons would be proud. This morning I was sweating to the oldies. Full disclosure: oldies are the only music I listen to and sweating is now a default condition, so yeah.

[UnclePhilTweets @unclephiltweets]

I had important things to tweet tonight but instead THE KNICKS!