"Advocate: vanish now and again" #poetry and photo chapbook
1st batch, numbered, embossed, colophon card decorated & signed ~ heading into world from New Zealand to Texas
Would very happily reserve one for you. Do you have a favorite number?
here I am Thursday evening, a week ago was still in hospital with the spinal tap now coming home from another hospital visit which involved I tried injection and bonus paperwork
Since returning home, I managed to go through a significant crash and bounce (the typhoon and pressure changes didn't help) from the whole hospital and discharge and travel experience
And finding myself especially more brain fogged, zonked out and clumsy than usual -including the delightful incident occurring in my earnest attempting to putout dinner and catch up the dishes last night when i knocked a glass pitcher off the side of the counter, it didn't break! But it landed right smack on one of those giant glass bottles of soy sauce which did break, badly!
so our beautiful wooden floor was flooded with high grade soy sauce drifting under all the fridge and cabinets with glass everywhere looking like a crime scene. The towels used for cleanup were so stinky that now into the burnable trash
great cause no further injuries while cleaning up + tidied up extra glass containers for making vinegar and syrups which were also stashed in that corner and located a bottle of boxed sake tucked away so that's good I guess
Also managed to knock over the trashcan strewing dozens of empty packets of medications all over the floor yet the good news is I was carrying in my adorable (sorry, he insists on cool now) and *not so little guy* in from the bath after he himself zonked out on a towel just outside the bathtub room
Changed into awesome pajamas, tuck him in under the mosquito net but then he stumbled himself back awake to say "we haven't read a book yet"
Also last night at dinner he said "when we go to Canada, we should really plan our outfits to coordinate, like not the same outfits but like a theme" or something to that effect (I would write in Japanese but it doesn't really matter, you get the gist)
Anyway, here I am staring down a basket of laundry, with a tall glass of iced water with a dash of lemon in it, the soy milk maker is running, the dishwasher is running, the washing machine is running, tomorrow is a preschool picnic yet and yet
Oh I also walked halfway to the bus stop thinking "maybe I didn't lock all the doors" I walked back, found the door I left unlocked and then came home to realize I left the whole sliding patio door which faces right out to the carport and the street and everything wide open, secured only by a mosquito screenGood for ventilation, not good for security(while I'm not concerned about robberies, my father-in-law is very diligent about such matters)
Yet here I am I'm thinking about the news about my friend from those heady salad days in the 2000s in #Vancouver when "everything seemed possible" we pretended it was about technology but really is about community and connection and conversation and exploring what seemed to be a seachange in the way cities, networks, governments, corporations, communications, what we used to call "news", and everything could reinvent and democratize or whatever (spoiler: didn't really work out that way) leveling the playing field = ha
while I was slow on finding out about his passing (he was a PhD in environmental studies who had studied/taught at university of British Columbia then moved back to his native Mexico City) and now learned seems there's nefarious action surrounding his death :( There's an investigation, I don't want to dig too deep because right now I want to remember his magnificent smile, his frequent hugs (yes I'm a hugger living in a country where hugs don't really exist aside from very unique and sporadic experiences and they're not lingering long hugs like well anyway… I digress as usual)
I'm thinking about him and I'm thinking about all the people he touched and I'm thinking how all of us who put ourselves "out there" speaking and presenting and sharing and teaching and learning and simply showing up, documenting and sharing and so on, the things that we do in the actions that we take ripple on for decades in ways that we couldn't possibly expect
I found photos of him and me and another prolific brilliant gentleman who blogged, podcast'd, podcast'd about home recording, made creative commons music (remember friends, we are talking about mid 2000s before Twitter, when Facebook was just a thing and a few universities, RSS was everything, blogs hooray if you could roll your own, Creative Commons was the way forward, the shareable web, the read write web, smartphones weren't quite there yet but digital cameras suddenly were decent
computers had leapt into easy creative machines rather than rather expensive things for business and coding and we were freed from the constraints of maybe 5 MB of Web hosting space if you knew how to FTP things
[I realize that this is just technology sidelines to the life of a man now dead and the life of a man speaking to you from a cottage in provincial Japan still sometimes wondering how I got here and wondering how I'm still alive but here I am]
The people we met the people we hold onto the people we stay in touch with or don't but we still hold onto them when things don't disappear, artifacts and such, all that personal archaeology, all that living all that sharing
Now in this present moment, no need for chopping wood or carrying water so I make rice, fold laundry and so we go on, so we go on
Effervesence ~ for Raul Pacheco-Vega @hummingbird604 RIP
{started as a poem, turned into a prose of memories, complete with illegibility, misspellings, and smudges for my favourite fountain pen with no shortage of heart and honesty, please regard my humble offering such as it is}
Sunday, noonish
discharged Friday, noonish, from room 1315 \ broke out by darlings, left thank you card for nurses, dietitians, orderly, cleaners, pajama and towel personnel, all of them, every 7-12 minutes there was a quick knock and a sliding door open, vitals check, things changed, dressings adjusted, bags swapped out etc. anyway, at some point, door opened, doctor, remove spinal tap tube, patches me up, a few questions then gear gathered up
Downstairs to do outro with the big shot doctor, we wait, Ichiro antsy of course, me antsy of course, Ryoko, keeping it together of course
Importantly: this procedure was meant to be diagnostic/investigative as a test therapy to identify cause. In brief: "is there strong evidence of a spinal fluid leak?" which was tested by a continual hydraulic drip infusion into dura (I sort of sheath surrounding the spine)
whilst in hospital, symptoms were monitored, and pain reduced significantly ~ though at the same time it's hard to tell because so much is happening and i am primarily in bed and not moving around doing actions which occur in *normal life* such as it is or whatever that is
So, consult with noteworthy Dr. Moriyama, reviewed previous days, scheduled follow up for next step (likely blood patch), instructions now are rest, wait and monitor, subjectively
after checkout, I'm already a little bit spun out, yet we go into adorable town of Onomichi, found a waterfront café, I drank a ridiculous coffee while watching ferry boats zip around, fill lungs fresh salty air, jabber with my darlings
a friend joined us, he lives there now, we wander around, each alleyway is cuter than the last, tiny coffee shops, books/records/stationery/revitalized previously abandoned houses ~ I move slowly, cautiously optimistic
drive home, so many tunnels, hurt my head, the tunnels the pressure ~ it's a data point right?
anyhoo, Saturday I fold laundry, open mail, we giggle together, ❤️, finally a bath!
Now Sunday, two days without the drip and symptoms rage back, the crushing pain in my head, neck, shoulder, down my spine. This is part of the process (cliché), yet painful and I don't want pain, no more please. So much life!
this is all to say "thank you so much for all your kind messages of support, understanding, empathy, clarity and sweetness
I'm staring down June with a level of concern and intimidation as there is significant Leif administration critical procedures to undertake plus some fantastic family activities(a couple Ryoko concerts! Ichiro's sixth birthday! Preschool picnics! Plus my usual other doctors appointments. And picking up / dropping off next and next "DaveO dispatch" poetry chapbooks from @bitokkou ~ so I've got a kinda use all my limited energy pellets for these critical tasks
So, if I didn't thank you personally for your message, I really wanted to but my brain is in pain, my eyes are so sensitive, and I'm so critically exhausted with so much to do.
Please know friendship to me is the most Golden of treasures.
I have so much goodness at hand and rolling down the pathways. I aim to surprise and delight to you with poetry and stories.
Endless amounts of goodness to share, eagerly with enthusiasm, but first rest.
Fondly, dvo (under the mosquito net in 'the caboose', Tsuchida Cottage, Okayama)
#HospitalDiary day x
Usual series of activity in morning, nurses, meals, tidy, ~ a quick knock then someone whisks in thru the door, you're never quite sure who, and what, appears
Then upon one knock three doctors, the two Jedi and the Padawan enter, I explain the last few days as best I can (explained I really need a better coffee as it helps my head pain but otherwise…) And that when I went for a walk… (that should be "walk") yesterday, the pain definitely increased in the head with the pressure change and quickly fatigued and returned to bed
They're not much for chitchat but their usual inscrutable faces turned into light smiles and nods of understanding and acknowledgment and then they were gone
And then someone else, and then someone else and then two people just came in, the Padawan dr, I learned his two kids, two and four years old, and removed the spinal tap tube without much fanfare except for the run of bandages
I'm now sitting in my spectacular pajamas a little spun out from it all, I've started to tidy my room a bit because you know of course I set up camp ~ more of a field office I suppose, more so than a reconnaissance forward operating base
Clouds broken, the laundry on the lines at the neighboring houses possibly a better chance of drying although I suspect the humidity is also significant
I have of course a fresh set of soft comfortable clothes for the pick up and hopefully a gentle outing to see at least a glimpse of the town (cats!) before heading home in a couple hours
yet like most campaigns, the last couple hours are always the hardest couple of hours with all the final checkpoints and admin and scheduling and all that
Keep your calendar handy day, keep the earplugs and sunglasses at hand davey
But seriously, these pajamas, like a breezy seersucker (is that the term?) and handy snap-up front undershirts that make me feel like an old timer yet constructed with efficient drapey breathable yet easily laundered material
How do I track down goods like these? Quite seriously. I mean without buying 1000 sets obviously
pardon usual dictation errors, I'm not at my best, or maybe I am,, hopefully I can find a good cappuccino or even better cortado
@JamieDodd & @ThomasDrance ~ its your daily listener in Japan
as Jim Robson would say, currently a "shut in" at a provincial hospital getting a legit spinal tap 🤘(it's complicated)
waking up amidst commotion and anxiety yet then spacing out to a great riff about Viggo Björk is good medicine
(almost ;)) always grateful for your shows but especially today, and hooray Bukula up next! - lousy week for the abbreviated schedule though but whatever ha
ps yes Norway and Latvia is a quarterfinal, Latvia rocks, Norway is up-and-coming, Switzerland / Sweden is a beauty matchup
daveo 5'9"
and one more for the record (yes I realize that these are behind subscription walls or whatever but, just floating out to give the gist)
https://t.co/CXOqp5Xztu
got through another day, me and IV buddy
and of course a continual stream, doctors, nurses, dietitians, cleaners, IV bag changers, vital sign checkers et al ~ i'm always as polite as possible
and the pajamas are great
discharged tomorrow after analysis of the procedure with the specialist (my darling duo are coming to pick me up), do all the checkout and next follow up scheduling (June is so packed, yikes)
and then hopefully into Onomichi to see some cats and please heaven help me, a great coffee
next step is (likely) "blood patches" made from my own well, blood obviously, to attempt to repair the spinal fluid leak
not sure how this will affect bathing/swimming/travel but hey that's tomorrow, right
i'm definitely weak and spun out from all of this yet hoping for some good intelligence and moves forward ~ I really need some shutdown rest time although yet also have a few other *very important* necessary life administration projects happening
incredibly grateful for the attentive, efficient and coordinated care, especially being very cognizant of my unique demographic within the hospital population
{there is no photo to accompany this memorandum}
good night wonders
ps what i want is: more sleep and continued poetry ~ floating this intention up with tea steam and sage smoke
PS for anyone following along who wants to geek out on science, here's a couple articles written by Dr. Moriyama Eiji who is a specialist/pioneer in tracking down these spinal fluid leaks, often caused by physical trauma and historically hard to detect
https://t.co/K2X9OAYOMp
While not here long enough to register a proper postal address (nor order beloved ink return address stamp), I brought a few recent dispatches from the homefront to keep me company while infirmed
[Turns out hospital keeps ya quite busy with all the sub-routines. The diligence, nuanced professionalism, and efficiency all quite remarkable + so many various uniforms/outfits]
Meanwhile: Outside I'm in a adorable Port town known for cats, coffee, art and jumping off to further exploration
Scissors, knives, and so I suppose a proper letter opener, are on the not allowed list (along with booze and smokes) so like a Savage, I gently pulled the envelopes open
Both of these treasures have a connection to Winnipeg yet neither comes from there, the accompanying song (not available on this channel) also comes from Winnipeg but is not sung by someone from there. Winnipeg, it follows me everywhere, also Saskatoon but only on paperwork
Anyhow: Day three finally I'm settling in, fresh pajamas, warm towels (no bath possible)
There is a small café, sort of a mini pantry konbini shop and even a hair salon on the first floor, I'd like to go there and get better Coffee (dear reader, I wheeled my IV buddy down the hallway to a sitting lounge and purchased a cold canned coffee, yes i know some people *love* these, I am not one of them, yet circumstances require etc.) however if I make the trek to the first floor, it's unlikely I'll find my way back to my room although I know the number is 1315 and it's on the third or fourth floor but corridors confuse me and the whole tube and pump in my spine requires each step to be required and gentle
otherwise, I found access to hot water and making Chinese medicine tea and do you have emergency stash of green and black teabags. We will survive, we will get by
Thank you for the letters as the seal on one of them gratefully said "have a nice day" good idea
#DispatchesFromTheFront #HospitalLetters #SnailMail #LoveLetterLetters
@procrastixote@VirgilsQuill here are *really lousy* yet awsum photos from a point-and-shoot camera from maybe 1989, walking across the Grand Canyon but mostly pictures of me and my buddies goofing, burning the 24 (or 36) frames, developed years later
https://t.co/lIIkgvDSgh
@jacktla oh my gosh, everywhere it's like the sweet Caroline/brown eyed girl of Asia except in Japan when it's liberally mixed with the Beatles. PS did you know Jamaica*(much of) loves Mariah Carey?